(Inside: Make your negative self-talk work for you instead of against you. Using simple actions, learn how to get rid of your negative self-talk. Learn to turn your negative self-talk into joy. )
Often I have Normal-Brain with normal thoughts enjoying a normal day. But then there’s Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain. She shows up unannounced, uninvited and always overstays her welcome. Let me tell you how Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain thinks:
Enter any difficult situation with my child and Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain reminds me of how ill-equipped I am at parenting. She confirms my child will never come home for Christmas in adulthood. He’s ruined. Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain also points out all the other moms and their kids who have it together better than us. I only need to open Instagram to see the pictures.
She reminds me of commitments but only after it’s too late. (As I’m dropping my 11-year-old son off at school, “Why is your crossing guard partner out this morning? Oh wait, you’re supposed to be out there too!”) Then berates me for forgetting and reminds me how simple it is to actually use the calendar on my phone.
She nudges me to fly off the handle – and so I do – then instantly cues guilt. Awesome.
Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain reminds me I’m not “in the know.” My friend, whose kid is brilliant at chess? She’s got it going on. Because the future’s in chess. My kids won’t be smart because I’m not signing them up for the right activities. Checkmate. I lost.
Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain reminds me I can’t do everything, but in a mean way. I’m at a friend’s home who’s gifted at maintaining a spotless space. Always. And she HAS kids. And she works full time. I won’t feel jealous…I won’t feel jealous…then here it comes…jealousy.
Or I put on jeans that fit a year ago and I can’t button them. Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain is unkind. She urges me to give up my lattes. (Slow motion: Nooooo!) She criticizes me for not exercising more and eating better. Then, ten minutes later she tells me it’s okay to steal Halloween candy from my kids’ bags. (Pick a lane, woman.)
Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain comes for everyone; life is tricky and weird and does that to us. But, I don’t know that all hope is lost.
Maybe – just maybe – we can make Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain work FOR US instead of AGAINST US.
When thoughts dish out negative, we can remind ourselves there’s another voice waiting to speak positive. We can see it as an invitation – a guilt-free, I-clearly-need-a-moment-for-me-because-of-all-this-negativity invitation – to create space to hear the encouraging voice. We let God nudge our heart: My dear child, let’s spend time together. Let’s visit what’s bothering you. Let me remind you how big and sovereign, yet intimately intentional I am in your life. Know how loved, loved, loved you are. I created you with purpose; your unique contributions to this world are irreplaceable. I will use them to share my hope. Can I remind you I’m always here, walking before you, behind you and beside you?
And then WITHOUT GUILT, we can accept this invitation. We can pause hectic life and do something soul-filling, reconnecting us to our Creator. Whatever that looks like to you. For me, lately, it’s been still moments before the Lord, walks around the scenic lake (with my beloved dog), or inspirational books and scripture. In these refueling moments, I do my best to be fully present and let God’s truths sink in. As I focus on our Creator, I refocus on the important things – which is not my pants size or punctuality. (The lattes, on the other hand…)
But what about you? How do you connect with our Creator? It looks different for each of us, but here are ideas that will help you both connect and turn your negative self-talk into joy:
Sit with your palms facing up (open towards the heavens) ready for God to shower his peace down on you. Take 5 breaths in, hold for a second and exhale for 5 more seconds. Then listen to the words of the music and let the truths wash over you. As the melody plays, close your eyes, relax your body and breathe slowly. Start with It is Well (Kristene DiMarco & Bethel Music) and in under 5 minutes, you’ll start to feel the worship wash away your negative self-talk and replace it with joy.
I deeply believe that God is continually transforming us – even in the pain…especially through pain. God can redeem all things. Our beautiful, beautiful God is a God of restoration. So we can replace the negative self-talk with God’s words until we find ourselves rejoicing over all God is doing around us. Look at Romans 8:38:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
We can use the below steps to replace our negative thought with Romans 8:38:
1. Before you start your day: Read Romans 8:38 and say a prayer thanking God for working all things for good. (Then set your phone alarm for lunchtime to remind you to come back to this verse.)
2. In the Morning: Every time you hear yourself say something negative repeat the main point of the verse (your mantra): God is working all things for good.
3. Lunchtime: Your phone alarm goes off. Again, read the verse and say a quick prayer thanking God for continually pulling good out of our lives.
4. Afternoon: Every time you hear yourself say something negative repeat the main point of the verse (your mantra): God is working all things for good.
5. Evening: Take a minute and journal or mentally list all the good you saw in your day. Thank God for his faithfulness in continually working in your life.
Related article: Walk Away From Worry with the Magic 5:1 Ratio
God speaks to us when all the noise goes away – seriously. We. Need. Silence. I think if we take 8 minutes a day to sit in silence, talk to God and open our hearts to feel his movement, it can be transformational to our negative inner talk and our everyday felt connection with our Creator. I wrote a free mini-ebook called Meditations for Moms: Renewal and Empowerment in 8 minutes a Day. It includes 7 days of Silence/Prayer practices. Grab this freebie below.
Count me in!
The other morning I was annoyed with someone in my life. I felt like she was being hard on me, which unleashed a whole slew of self-criticism. My thoughts spiraled down and I knew I needed to look up. Gratitude helps me lift my chin. So, I stopped and shut down my thoughts. I then began to remember all the amazing ways this friend has had my back in the past. Example after example spilled out until I reached this thought: This friend – she’s my girl. Though I sometimes would rather wallow in self-pity (it’s easier than fighting for joy), I decided maybe I should Elsa-from-Frozen my way outta negative thinking and…let…it…go… When the negative self-talk is banging inside of your head, start listing – on paper or in spoken words – all the good, all the blessings, all the courage in your life. Then, let it go…
Gratitude journals help you get rid of your negative self-talk (affiliate link):
How connecting with God will look for you will change through your many seasons, but still, no matter what life moment you are in, find a way to go there with Him. These subtle shifts in our thinking and gentle shifts in our actions won’t disappoint. But they only won’t disappoint us – Thorn-in-my-Side-Brain, on the other hand, will hate it. Because this reflective practice takes up space in our minds she’d rather occupy.
But she’s going to have to deal because God’s voice in our lives draws out joy. And joy is always invited.
I find reading empowering books is a MUST to get rid of negative self-talk. (What you put into your mind DOES MATTER.) Here are some recommendations (affiliate links):
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.