(Inside: A mom’s prayer: untangle your anxious thoughts and find extraordinary joy in your ordinary day. Let God minister and nourish you through prayer.)
My thoughts weigh me down. They mess with my mind, so I just don’t feel right.
The twelve tabs open in my brain bounce between ‘I need to grade a stack of tests,’ I wonder if my dog puked because she’s sick or just ate something,’ what times are practices tonight,’ ‘what’s for dinner,’ and ‘why are four of my brain-tabs frozen.’
My thoughts feel tangled and heavy, and I don’t know why. There are hints of depression and anxiety, but those labels seem too strong. My brain just feels scrambled. It’s frustrating because I’ve lived long enough to know-on-paper that good comes from bad, God is in control and I’m not doing life alone…
But, still – I feel unsettled…
However, I have this strategy that I use to help me sort out my mind-mess. Do you remember that game you played during 5th grade field day?
Around seven people would circle up. Everyone would extend their arms into the middle of the circle and grab a random hand so a knot of humans resulted. As a team, we’d work together to lift arms, walk under, turn, and step over joined hands to unravel the knot. We’d end up in an untangled circle holding our adjacent classmate’s hands.
That same process is how I unsnarl my thoughts. I do this through prayer.
Because I can’t pinpoint what exactly is revving up my anxious heart, I don’t worry about what to pray. Instead, I just start praying – here and there – throughout my day…
I pray for my oldest son – for protection, wisdom, and confidence. (In my brain – with my human knot of tightly woven thoughts – two connected hands are lowered and I step over.)
I pray for my middle son – for happiness, friendships, and direction. (I spin under a raised hand I’m holding, slightly shaking loose a corner of the knot.)
I pray for my youngest son – for joy, focus, and positive influences. (I bend under two arms.)
I pray for my husband – for his work, protection, and that I love him well. (I turn clockwise, step over arms, and loosen another tangle.)
I pray for my students, coworkers, and community. (Deep breathe, figure out the next move, and tuck under another set of arms.)
I pray for my parents, in-laws, my grandma, and friends… (Another turn…)
I pray for direction and the next right step… (Another step over…)
I could care less about following any prayer rules or formulas; I simply spend my day talking to God.
Just like in 5th grade when I was slightly in awe of how we could always untangle the human knot, I’m often puzzled by why this prayer process unbinds my mess. But I know that as I say a prayer here, words there, the gentle peace of an ever-present God emerges. I feel him helping me not just know but also believe the words he presses deep within me: I am here with you always and forever.
The peace, the message, the act of continual prayer clears my head.
Not in an I-know-have-all-the answers way, but instead in a God-is-with-me-and-for-me-despite-my-worries way.
Prayer.
It’s one of God’s best tools to nurture us.
God is always near and FOR US. If you don’t believe me, start your day with one tiny prayer…
Join this community of moms of older kids
You just dropped your kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library.Join our community below.
Read the whole “power of a praying mother” series
Prayer. I’ve had a tricky relationship with prayer over the years. I’ve bounced between ‘what’s the point?’ and ‘Lord, God, THANK YOU so much for the powerful gift of prayer.’
Here’s what life experience and the study of God’s word have taught me about prayer:
God hears our prayers. God sometimes answers prayers. _ God shapes us and changes our perspective in uplifting ways through prayer. God nourishes us through prayer. God speaks to our hearts with quiet “knowings” deep inside of us through prayer. God builds his relationship with us through prayer. _ Prayer is powerful in ways that we fully don’t understand. Science provesthat prayer is a healthy, life-giving practice with both physical and mental benefits.
If you also believe a mom’s prayer, can be powerful, keep reading…
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Perfect mom life – isn’t it what we all want? How moms have a weird relationship with perfect, and how this one realization can improve your happiness.)
Moms have a weird relationship with perfect.
We know we get this one shot at having kids in our homes, so, of course, we want to say/do the “right things,” create a positive experience for our children, and enjoy this season.
Yes, yes, our heads KNOW that it’s not going to be perfect, but our hearts THINK it just might be anyway.
We could possibly be the exception.
Because we REALLY love motherhood and maybe that will help us pull off “getting it all right.”
But this rose-colored thinking misses one big thing…
Yes, motherhood comes with so many beautiful moments where you think your heart might burst, but it also comes with dips and curves and stumbling and getting back up again.
Imperfect IS THE PARENTING EXPERIENCE.
You can’t avoid it. It’s the eggs in the cookie recipe. It’s the cream in the chicken wild rice soup recipe. It’s an ingredient that comes with parenting. For everyone.
In mom life…
We’re going to lose our cool when we wanted to be a great listener then say something wise.
We’re going to struggle with when to push our teens and when to pull back.
We’re going to question if we’re leading our family in the best direction.
But, in the imperfect parts of parenting, we reflect. We pray. We talk it out with trusted people. We read a helpful article. We go for a walk. We cling to hope. Then we continually come back together as a family and try to figure it out.
Our teens are going to sometimes not turn in that assignment.
Our teens are going to keep it together at school, then unravel their big emotions when they get home the debris ricocheting off our hearts like hail.
Our teens are going to fall for the peer pressure when we wanted them to stay strong.
But, in the imperfect parts of being a teenager, we listen. We remind them how loved they are and that God is working in their lives. We go back to our family values and share the “whys” of good choices. We hold them accountable so they mature. We give space and grace. We maybe seek professional help. We cling to hope. And we continually come back together as a family and try to figure it out.
The dog is going to chew up the soccer cleats right before the game.
The family’s going to forget the orthodontist appointment.
The house is going to get messy.
But, in the imperfect parts of living together, we revisit routines. We talk about needs and how we can help each other. We divide up tasks so that everyone is contributing. And we continually come back together as a family and try to figure it out.
Read more about our family overcame a huge challenge in one of our sons not wanting to do his school work in the description here. I didn’t handle the situation like the perfect mom, but I kept trying and finally figured out how to better communicate with my son to where we both felt things were going smoother.
Moms have a weird relationship with perfect: we know perfect is unattainable but wish for it anyway. But then as life rolls out, we find that…
Through the imperfect, we get to know each other on a deeper level.
Through the imperfect, we grow and mature.
Through the imperfect, we learn to persist and find hope.
Through the imperfect, we build a strong family
And maybe, shaping a family that continually comes back together to figure things out just is the perfect experience.
You won’t have the perfect mom experience (because imperfect is the only experience to have), but you can join our community of moms raising big kids.
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kids, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in thefreebie library.Join our communityhereor below.
The perfect mom doesn’t exist, but imperfectly thriving in motherhood is all around us and exquisitely beautiful. Read more stories in our “imperfectly thrive in motherhood” series.
Parenting is one of my biggest joys. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. From a young age, I prayed to have a family, and sometimes I pinch myself that my dream came true.
However, because this phase of life means so much to me, I can put too much pressure on myself to make the most of every moment, handle every situation flawlessly, and be the best mom ever. The truth is, I won’t do it all well and it’s not supposed to be that way.
One of God’s goals for me is to lean on him – to turn to him, to trust in him, to seek his guidance and favor in this motherhood experience. The dips and turns and messy in mom-life help me do that.
What a gift the imperfect can be. I do my best to try and articulate this idea in my imperfectly thrive in motherhood series. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: “Don’t get lost in motherhood” was a piece of advice I got when I first became a mom. Unpacking the mixed messages moms receive.)
“Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.”
I rocked my third child to sleep, enjoying a few tender moments of holding a baby and reading on my phone. Mom blogs were new to me, and I ate them up like honey. Hearing the hearts of fellow mothers felt beautiful, beautiful, beautiful – and the piece of advice that was dancing in front of my eyes was…
“Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.”
I’m not sure I knew exactly what the recommendation meant, but I took it as this: To fully enjoy life and be a strong woman, I SHOULD meet some of my goals (personal and professional) during this season of motherhood.
“Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.”
This suggestion grew deep roots in my mind. Maybe because I needed to work at least part-time for financial reasons, and it felt like validation. Also, I love chasing dreams, so despite the busyness, it felt great to give wings to a few of mine.
But then somewhere in this mom journey, the advice that once empowered switched to burdensome.
Because you know the “blip” from Avengers: Endgame?
Blink – it happened here.
My kids are in 10th grade and 9th grade and 5th grade and oh-my-heart, their focus has shifted to activities and friends and driving and talking about college. No one has listened to my suggestion of stopping all this growing up so fast.
I’m big emotions over here. Now, when I hear messages about going for one’s dreams or meeting that goal, I think – that’s such a great idea FOR ANYONE OTHER THAN ME.
I just need a hot moment. Or ten. Or a hundred.
I’m not feeling a full-steam-ahead season.
I don’t want to sign up for all the things.
I don’t want to work longer-than-necessary hours.
I don’t want extra obligations, no thank you.
And please, I need zero suggestions of some long quest for self-improvement.
I don’t want to feel like a failure because I’m not doing enough self-care or meeting the “right” kind of goals.
The only “more” I want right now is to focus on simply being present.
I want to not sweat the small stuff but still invest the time into guiding and parenting my kids through the important stuff. I want to say yes to the family movie. I want to cheer from the sidelines at their games and concerts. I want to go out for ice cream. I want to open our home to friends and not worry about the mess, noise, and late hours. I want to pile into the booth, order dinner, and hear about my family’s day. I want to walk around the mall with them to shop for hoodies. I want to smile at the pile of shoes and backpacks by the door because that means everyone’s safely home.
I know I’m not going to enjoy every moment of raising big kids. Of course, there will be hard parts. But I just want to be around so I can lean into the moments that I do enjoy.
I’m sure someday I’ll be back to wanting to chase that goal – but not now. Not even a little bit.
“Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.”
Not every message we hear about mom life is for us.
And if it is for us, that certainly doesn’t mean the message is for every season.
Previously, maybe I didn’t want to get lost in motherhood – but right now, I don’t care if I do.
Read the full series on how important you are, momma!
Do you really understand how important, how vital, how life-giving your role as a mom is?
Maybe you feel like you just poured the bowl of cereal this morning, but that’s not all you did. You nourished your kid. And through simple daily interactions, you teach responsibility, leadership, love, grace, faith, courage, and kindness. Your child will go out into life and share his or her gifts. Then pass everything you taught down to their kids. And next, their grandkids – your impact keeps rolling.
I’m getting chill bumps. Your ordinary work is extraordinary.
Let me continue to convince you through the full series on the importance of motherhood:
“Don’t get lost in motherhood” and other mixed messages. Join this community of moms of older kids as we unpack this mom life together.
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in thefreebie library.Join our communityhereor below.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Parenting teens and tweens will rip your heart out. There will be a moment when you find yourself emotionally spent.)
Parenting teens and tweens will rip your heart out.
There will be a moment when you’re sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the tub, feet tucked at the base of the sink, emotionally spent.
Your kid is the one sitting alone at the lunch table.
Your kid is repeatedly self-sabotaging in her actions, and no matter what you do, nothing helps.
Your kid has health and/or mental health challenges that just won’t shake.
Your kid got cut from the team in a sport he’s spent a decade playing and being in that uniform means the absolute world to him. The “no” hit like a nuclear bomb.
Your kid doesn’t seem to care – about anything.
Your kid is painfully distant – you don’t have the kind of longed-for relationship you want, and you just don’t recognize your teen anymore.
For tweens and teens, these years can be fun and interesting and great. Then they also can be some of the absolute hardest years of their lives: there are so many changes, so much to learn, so many obstacles to navigate, and so much perspective to gain. The perfect storm for big hurt in our big kids.
And when our kids hurt, we hurt too.
So, we find ourselves on the ground, sandwiched between the tub and sink, at 1 am. But momma, on the floor, with a ripped-out heart, feeling like you could crawl out of your skin anxious…
Deep breath in.
Exhale slowly.
Parenting teens and tweens can be so tough. My mom was in a tough spot with me when I was in my early 20s. Read what she did to help in the description here.
The Lord is here with you on this floor.
Maybe say a few words to him…
GOD IN HEAVEN, will you reveal yourself to me? Will you nurture me through reminding me of what I know about your character?
You love my children so much you know the exact number of hairs on their heads. You see where they’re at and are moved with deep love and wide compassion.
I believe that you are working in mighty ways in my kids’ lives. I don’t get why tough things happen, but I do know that you can and will pull good out of difficult. You are growing my teens, shaping them, molding their character. You are preparing a way – people for them to connect with and places for them to thrive. I know you can move mountains, and I pray that pebble-by-pebble you do.
Open our eyes to see you around us. Helping us notice how much there is to be grateful for. Help us see the people who do show up. Give us the strength to seek and accept help. Reveal solutions, then shower us with discernment and direction.
And through it all, wrap your hands of protection and love around our family.
Oh.
And one more thing…
Please, please, please, help me not to think this is my fault.
Help me to treat myself with the same tenderness and care I would treat anyone else with a ripped-out heart. Squash negative-self-talk with force, again and again, because it is a beast. AMEN.
Deep breath in.
Exhale slowly.
God loves your kids and is working in their lives.
God loves your kids and is working in their lives.
God loves your kids and is working in their lives.
Believe.
Stay on that floor as long as you need, there are no rules here. But when you get up, do so holding tight – with epic amounts of tenacity and stubbornness – to HOPE.
Read the full Parenting Teens and Tweens Series
My two oldest sons are in high school now, and I’m still in a coma because of it. Even though I’ve taught high school for over two decades, I’m confused as to how I’m actually old enough to be a parent of a high schooler.
Teaching high schoolers has always been a passion of mine, but not parenting them is as well. I could research, write, and talk about this topic until eternity. I hope you are encouraged by some of my articles.
Join this community of moms parenting teens and tweens.
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in thefreebie library.Join our communityhereor below.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: God is still in control and reflection helps us see that. Here’s a powerful story from a woman who says, “Yes. God is still in control of your life.”)
“I think God is more in control of our lives than we let ourselves believe.”
I paused mid-coffee sip not because of what was said, but who said it. This woman sitting in front of me…this. woman. How do I string words together that accurately describe her? Clever, courageous, kind – she’s a go-getter. She’s experienced picket fences crumbling and putting pieces back together. She’s gone to the school of hard knocks, but also – she’s been to seminary, where she dove deep into God’s word, prayer, and theology. With her collective experience and knowledge, she’s the one I ask the hard theological and life questions.
So, the goosebumps are already queued up, I know this is going to be good, and I encourage her to go on.
Seeing God in control
Me: “What do you mean?”
Hero friend: So, in continuing our conversation on parenting – we had two kids, then our third child was special needs, as you know.
Me: Yes, I know…
Hero friend: My husband only wanted two kids. I pushed for the third and then he was special needs. Our lives were flipped upside down with properly caring for our baby.
(Pause)
Hero friend: A momma always loves her babies…always. And in those early years, I had some really good days caring for my special needs youngest. But there were days when I was stretched so thin, my heart would cry out: Why does my son have to be special needs? Why are simple daily tasks so hard? Why all the challenges?
Me: I think anyone would ask those questions…we all know how much you love your baby.
Hero friend: But, then, years later, when all three of our kids graduated high school, my husband decided he was done being married. He left. I was shocked – we were supposed to grow old together.
(Pause)
Hero friend: Here I am single and in my sixties with my adult special-needs son living with me.
She shrugged her shoulders and continued…
Hero friend: And, do you know what? I’m so grateful for how it all came together… I’m never lonely. My son is funny, kind, and tells me how much he loves me… He helps clean the house and gets dinner going – I mean, I know not all differently-abled adults can do that, but my son can and I’m blessed. Every day, I love coming home to him.
Is God in control of my life? Yes – more than you think…
Hero friend: It’s like God knew… God. Knew. He knew my husband would disappoint me. So, he gifted me with this beautiful, kind special-needs boy who I GET to have live with me. I mean – of course, we have challenges, I don’t mean to paint life as perfect…
(Pause)
Hero friend: But life is rich and full… I think God is more in control of our lives than we let ourselves believe.
This conversation happened two years ago, and I’ve thought about her story repeatedly.
(Pause)
Broken friendship – I wonder how God is going to spin this so good things come out of it?
Parenting disappointments – I wonder how God is going to shape my child in a beautiful way through this?
Career challenges – I wonder how God is going to sharpen my professional skills through this?
Sometimes people tell you the words of Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
And other times, people take their lives – and show you.
Join this community of moms raising older kids
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community here or below.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Finding hope in the coronavirus crisis. Everything’s been canceled – but love hasn’t… Read on… Read on…)
Last week was a bit much.
This coronavirus situation crescendo-ing, calming my high school students, taking care of my own kids, worrying about my in-laws traveling, stressing about my fragile 98.5yo grandma, the empty store shelves, scary articles…the whole crazy-full-moon-Friday-the-13th week did me in. But I didn’t realize how stressed I was until I finally sat down on Friday to process it all.
Wednesday we were laughing at the Corona Virus memes; then Thursday we were bathing in hand sanitizer and rushing to the stores.
I held out my hand to see if I was as shaky on the outside as I was on the inside. Stress reigned.
However, as my weekend unfolded…as it most often does…
Hope appeared…
You know that cup analogy that’s been told numerous times, several different ways? It’s the one where a person is holding a cup and she gets bumped. If what’s in the cup is peach iced tea, sweetness slides down the cup leaving her with sticky fingers. If sparkling water is in the cup, then when bumped, bubbles spill over the rim splashing onto the floor. What’s inside the cup is what comes out.
We’ve all been bumped this week.
However, do you know what I’ve seen spill out?
Wednesday we were laughing at the coronavirus memes; then Thursday we were bathing in hand sanitizer and rushing to the stores.
I held out my hand to see if I was as shaky on the outside as I was on the inside. Stress reigned.
However, as my weekend unfolded…as it most often does…
Hope appeared…
You know that cup analogy that’s been told numerous times, in several different ways? It’s the one where a person is holding a cup and she gets bumped. If what’s in the cup is peach iced tea, sweetness slides down the cup leaving her with sticky fingers. If sparkling water is in the cup, then when bumped, bubbles spill over the rim splashing onto the floor. What’s inside the cup is what comes out.
We’ve all been bumped this week.
However, do you know what I’ve seen spill out?
Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
People shopping for their parents, their grandparents, those in need, so we can keep our most vulnerable at home.
Moms reaching out to working families to see if they can babysit their kids.
Women sharing inspirational stories, encouraging each other.
People buying gifts cards to local businesses to keep them afloat while we all wait out this storm.
Grocery store workers being patient with the masses and tirelessly restocking shelves.
Amazing people working overtime (often for free) to prepare for the worst-case scenarios: community planners, decision-makers, hospitals, cleaning staff, school districts, non-profit organizations…etc.
My sons helping me deep clean our home without complaint.
Healthcare professionals still going to work. (They are the biggest heroes in this story.)
Communities organizing free daycare at the local community center.
Teachers working behind the scenes to transfer their curriculum online because for right now schools are just canceled, but we all want to be ready to provide quality educational experiences if we continue to stay home.
Organizations mobilizing to provide extra food to those in need.
Find hope in the coronavirus stay-at-home season. Connect with your family over these 400+ conversation starters. Grab them here.
Ordinary people donating without hesitation.
And – I’m not even joking here – a friend told me a manufacturing plant in her hometown sent out approximately 250 semi-trucks of toilet paper instead of the 100 normal trucks. (It’s coming everyone. Toilet. Paper. Is. Coming.)
Our cups have been bumped and do you know what’s spilled out?
Love.
Everything else has been canceled.
But apparently – love hasn’t.
Love is never canceled.
Keep on being amazing, everyone. This isn’t going to be easy. We’ve never journeyed this road before. But, we’ll get through this. Together.
Join this community of moms raising older kids…
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library.Join our community here or below.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Are you dealing with miscarriage grief? Do you want to heal from your miscarriage? Whether you experienced a miscarriage yesterday or thirty years ago, one way to help you heal is to understand why it emotionally hurt so much. Read on…)
This time he found me sitting on the couch, legs balled up against my chest, tears flowing.
It was 2 am.
The night before, he’d found me in our youngest son’s room. Our 4-year-old had made his way to our bed waking me. For a while, I laid arms tucked around my little guy. But then, heaviness began to descend and the onslaught of sorrow became overwhelming. I slipped down the hall into my little boy’s empty room. In the dark, I felt for the rocker and sat down. Back-and-forth I tried to rock away the sadness while quiet sobs shook my body.
For six months (at least), I couldn’t get through the night without crying. Sometimes my husband would wake and coax me back to bed; other times, I’d slid in and out of under the covers unnoticed.
What caused this pain? This heartbreak? This feeling that a storm cloud had swallowed me?
Between my second and third son, I’d already experienced one miscarriage that unleashed excruciating sadness and big emotions. However, within a few months, I had my rainbow baby in my belly and “this too did pass.”
After this second miscarriage, the situation was different. This time, we were trying to decide: Do we want to try again? Should we call it done with three healthy boys? What’s the next best step for our family?
Those types of life-changing decisions can be hard when you’re in your best frame of mine. But, when your mind is fogged up by pain, it’s hard to even decide what to fix your family for dinner, let alone if you’re going to try and get pregnant again.
I knew I needed to focus on moving past the pain.
However, pain is a tricky thing. It sends a spiderweb of cracks a million different directions in your life, but you can’t stitch back together the slices with one simple act. It takes multiple kinds of healing from all different angles to slowly bind up the mess.
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Why a miscarriage is so emotionally painful
One way that I healed a small crack was by figuring out why a miscarriage hurt so much. Somehow, this justified my pain and let me give myself permission to grieve. (Not that I needed it.) Here are five reasons why a miscarriage is so emotionally painful:
Motherhood is such a life-changing experience, it automatically becomes part of our who we are. (Or who we want to be.) It affects how we see ourselves, how we view the world, and how we feel people relate to us. So, when things don’t work out in mom life, it shakes our core.
But on the flip side, the fact that it hurts so much also means that we put a lot of value in this piece of our identity – being a mom. (Or wanting to be a mom.) Motherhood is a beautiful thing. It’s something that should be valued. So even though our strong motherly longings leave us more vulnerable to pain, I wouldn’t want to let go of valuing motherhood. Caring about motherhood is a good thing.
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2. You feel like it’s your fault.
When our bodies don’t cooperate, it’s hard not to feel like it’s our fault. What did I do wrong? Exercise too hard? Drink or eat something? Let myself get too stressed out? My OBGYN has repeatedly told me, “The miscarriage wasn’t your fault.” The Mayo Clinic backs my doctor saying,
“Most miscarriages happen because the fetus isn’t developing normally. Problems with the baby’s genes or chromosomes are usually the result of errors that occur by chance as the embryo divides and grows. They typically aren’t due to an inherited disorder, and usually aren’t caused by a mother’s behavior or health.”
It’s okay to analyze a situation and ask if we should’ve done something differently. Reflection is smart living. However, in the case of a miscarriage, the answer is “No – it wasn’t your fault.”
3. It’s the loss of a dream.
We have expectations of what we want our family to look like from the number of kids, to gender, to timing. When we miscarry, our dreams feel shattered. But, again, there’s a flip side to that coin. Ultimately, dreaming is a good thing. It’s a great starting point to finding our next right step. So, we should keep listening to our hearts and letting our souls dream.
4. You feel alone.
Some of our favorite people to confide in haven’t experienced a miscarriage and won’t fully understand our pain. This can make us feel alone. Yet, I’ve found the more I’ve opened up, the more I’ve discovered women who’ve shared my experience. Moms, it’s healthy to crave friends who get us. Know that there is a community of women who’ve shared your pain – we are not alone.
5. You feel out of control
We love our calendars and checklists and goals – we love control. A miscarriage makes us feel out-of-control. (Cue anxiety.) However, when we look back on our lives, often the most beautiful things came from the times our lives went off-course. Moms, we can let ourselves embrace hope – our futures hold good things.
Our pain points also are important, good elements of our lives
The reason that a miscarriage messes with our minds with such intensity is that the elements that make up our pain points also serve as important, good aspects of our lives: caring about being a mom, reflecting and analyzing, dreaming, desiring an understanding community, having some control over our lives. These are life-giving elements in our worlds, so it’s going to hurt when cracks slice through them.
You will heal from your miscarriage
Momma, if you are thick in the pain, lean in and don’t just hear me, believe my next words: You will heal.
If you’re thinking – well you got pregnant again and had that fourth kid, so of course, you healed…you’re wrong.
We decided not to try again.
Was choosing “to be done” the right decision? I don’t know… If I were to go back, would I do it differently? Maybe… Do I regret our choice? No.
And am I healed? One hundred percent. But it took two to three full years. I worked hard at healing. I tried multiple ways to heal my shattered cracks. Individually, each step that stitched up one small crack didn’t seem like much, but collectively – those actions held power.
If you are hurting, do something to heal every single day: seek professional help, surround yourself with encouraging people, take long walks, pray, do something you love, take a vacation, meet friends for coffee, exercise, eat healthy, stroke your hobby, snuggle your kids, date your spouse, buy yourself a new outfit, listen to quality podcasts, read inspirational books, grow your faith in God.
Then, trust the process. Little-by-little your cracks are being stitched up. You are healing.
Eventually, you – like me – will be able to get through not just one night, but lots of nights without crying. You will feel joy again. You will heal.
Continue to heal from grief through reading the full “Grow Your Grit” Series
When we become moms a light switch is flipped on. In juggling work, family, and household – we grow bolder; we learn to speak up. And somewhere in it all, we find our inner Mama Bear. We grow our determination, knowledge, love, patience, endurance, perspective, wisdom, problem-solving ability – we strengthen our grit. It’s not always easy, though. Growing our grit through motherhood is most definitely a process… Read on…
Ultrasound photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash
Pregnant woman photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash
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You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
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Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Moms, find more time in your busy life to do what you love. When you find that time, learn how to let go of the mom guilt and let that me-time nourish you.)
Image by Scott Webb on Unsplash
Moms, do you wish you could find more actual time in your day to do what you love? Do you wish you could shake the mom-guilt so you could better allow your me-time to nourish you?
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
Okay, maybe that’s not totally true, but a book started my healing process. I was in a deep mom slump. A miscarriage followed by a job loss left me feeling beaten down at best. I’d never read inspirational Christian books before, but a title caught my eye: Uninvited – Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely (Lysa TerKeurst)
I didn’t feel left out, but I felt sad (like all the time) and I cried a lot (like every day) and this book just seemed hopeful
So, I started reading. Then this crazy thing happened…I felt better. Not a lot better, simply one minuscule click forward. But still, it was progress. So, I picked up another inspirational book.
Then another.
Dr. Gotham famously says a healthy marriage needs 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative one. (The magic 5:1 ratio.) I think our relationship with ourselves is the same: 5 positive thoughts for every 1 negative one. Except, in that low season of my life, one negative thought seemed to exponentially multiply – so I found that I needed to input about 15000 positive thoughts daily. Or maybe even hourly. As a result, I kept finding more inspirational books and reading them.
(And did other work as well in healing. Lots of “other” work.)
But slowly – at turtle speed – I climbed out of my valley. And it was through books that I kept a steady stream of encouragement flowing into my brain. So, momma, I don’t know where you’re at in motherhood:
Are you depressed or feeling anxious?
Are you trying to make a decision?
Do you need the confidence to go after your dream?
Do you just need encouragement to keep you going?
Or things are going great, you just need “maintenance.”
Here are some best books for moms to read. I’ve read most of them and the few I haven’t are on my “must-read” list. There is a book on this list that will move you. Read with joy, then tell me about it in the comments. (Or let me know about a book I missed!)
Now, onto the list of best books for moms…
Photo by Prasanna Kumar on Unsplash
This blog post contains affiliate links, meaning I receive a small commission if you purchase through these links. (At no extra cost to you.)
“I need to heal” best inspirational books for mothers
The Broken Way: A Daring Path to the Abundant Life (Ann Voskamp) I found this book right when I needed it. It gives you a fresh look at pain and how it transforms your life in amazing ways. This book takes away the fear of hard stuff happening. You’ll see how that the cracks in your life let God’s love into your heart in breathtaking ways.
Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely (Lysa TerKeurst) I picked up this book when I was going through a painful period in my life; I had no idea how healing reading it would be. The bottom line is that it made me think about the root of some of my pain, which was seeking approval. For anyone who struggles with people-pleasing, this is a must-read.
Mended: Pieces of a Life Made Whole (Angie Smith) Angie wondered if really all hard things worked together for good. She took time to sort through her thoughts and research heartache; this is her story.
Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way (Shauna Niequist) I read this book just when I needed to hear this message. Amazon review explains: “Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a moment of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich even when it contains a splinter of sadness.”
The Complicated Heart: Loving Even When It Hurts (Sarah Mae) Sarah tells her story of her tumultuous relationship with her alcoholic mom. The book has both Sarah’s words and her mom’s journals. Was Sarah makes sense of their rocky relationship, she finds healing, peace, and love.
7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess (Jen Hatmaker) After reading this book, I looked at all the “stuff” in my life and was able to let go of clutter that was supposed to be making me happy but instead was causing me stress. My faith grew in huge ways through reading Jen’s work.
Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life (Emily P. Freeman) This is on my to-read list. Here’s what the review on Amazon says: “Many of us believe that we are saved by grace–but for too many, that’s the last time grace defines our life. Instead of clinging to grace, we strive for good and believe that the Christian life means hard work and a sweet disposition. As good girls, we focus on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods. When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret. In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him.”
Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are (Ann Voskamp) Ann was in a deep valley of sorrow and sadness. She desperately wanted to pull herself out of her depression, but she wasn’t sure how. So, she started writing down all the things she was grateful for. 1000 things. This book is poetic and beautiful. You won’t see the world around you the same again.
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“I need motivation” best inspirational books for mothers
Everything is Figureoutable (Marie Forleo) I’ve listened to Maria’s podcast and she is the real deal. There’s a reason why I listen to her motivational podcasts while I run. So, I’m excited to read her encouragement in her newest book.
“I need direction ” best inspirational books for mothers
The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions (Emily Freeman) I struggle so much with making both big and small decision. Whether you have decision fatigue (often a result of low-grade daily anxiety) or complete decision paralysis, this book will help you. In it, you’ll untangle the art of making decisions, gain a renewed perspective and feel more confident. This is one of my all-time favorite books. I read it twice and underlined 50% of the sentences. I highly recommend it.
Own Your Life: living with Deep Intention, Bold Faith, and Generous Love (Sally Clarkson) I admire how Sally lives life her way. Meaning, in deep faith, she follows God’s call even if it goes against the grain. (Like some examples of how she parents.) If you want to take a more thoughtful look at your own life and move forward more intentionally, this book is for you.
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World (Bob Goff) I loved this book. Bob Goff tells stories that point you to see God move and guide you in the ordinary. Though the book is more about seeing God in the ordinary, what Bob says about “God’s will for your life” was life-giving, direction-leading thought. I had a total aha moment with this book!
“I need to laugh” best inspirational books for mothers
“I want to be inspired to be more creative” best inspirational books for mothers
A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live (Emily P. Freeman) If you are not convinced that God designed us to be creative, this book will change your mind. You’ll be inspired to pick up that artistic expression you’ve been longing to do and go for it with absolute joy. I loved how Emily taught us creativity through the lens of God’s design for our lives. This book is so good.
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (Elizabeth Gilbert) This book doesn’t have a religious affiliation (and she writer drops the F-bomb a bit), but I lent my copy to my pastor’s wife and she liked it, so there’s that. This book I found incredibly inspirational – you’ll fall more in love with your craft because of Elizabeth’s word.
“I want to get healthy” best inspirational books for mothers
“I want to grow my faith” best inspirational books for moms
Chasing God (Angie Smith) If you feel like you are always chasing God, but you don’t actually know him, then this book is for you! It will open your eyes to seeing how God meets you right where you’re at, in the simple, every day.
Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity (Jen Hatmaker) Jen opened my eyes to see the world around me through the eyes of Jesus. Meaning, she challenged me to notice people who aren’t like me. (And celebrate them.) She also challenges us to give in bigger ways that are out of our comfort zone. This book will grow your faith and change your perspective in a very good way.
The Organic God (Margaret Feinberg) This is absolutely one of my favorite books. Margaret tells beautiful stories that help you better understand who God is and see Him working all around you.
Play with Fire: Discovering Fierce Faith, Unquenchable Passion, and a Life-Giving God (Bianca Olthoff) As you read Bianca’s story of growing her own faith, you’ll find a piece of yourself somewhere along the way. What I remember most about this book is being completely overcome with a real-life–prayed-for miracle that happened. There is a real God who loves us and fights for us and Bianca helps you know Him more.
Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, as you Are. (Shauna Niequist) This is a daily devotional that helps you find joy and faith in ordinary life. When I bought this book, I didn’t realize it was a devotional. I was disappointed because I don’t normally read daily devotionals. But I read it anyway and found it to be lovely. I was glad I picked it up.
An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith (Barbara Brown Taylor) A friend lent me this, but I ended up buying my own copy so I could highlight it up!Barbara Brown Taylor is a former minister with a gift for teaching about faith. I think you’ll love this book too.
The Power of a Praying Parent Book of Prayers (StormieOmartian) I can’t read Stormie’s books at night because her written-out prayers hold such power, love, and inspiration, that I get excited about praying for my family and can’t sleep! This is a great morning book.
“I need a friend” best inspirational books for moms
Point of View: A Fresh Look at Work, Faith, and Freedom (Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Elisabeth walks you through her season on the popular reality television show Survivor, her decade on The View, and her few years at Fox News. The tone of this book isfriend-like, casual, and vulnerable. Elisabeth shares her story of life and faith with you – it’s refreshing and uplifting.
Finding the Bright Side: The Art of Chasing What Matters (Shannon Bream) Shannon shares her journey of beauty pageants (competing on a National level), law school, becoming a popular news broadcaster, her husband’s cancer battle and her decision not to have kids. In it all, she shares how her journey has deepened her faith. You feel like you’re talking to a friend.
Brave Love: Making Space for You to Be you (Lisa Leonard) Even though I don’t know Lisa personally, I’ve ordered a ton of her jewelry and got to be on her book launch team. This book tells her story of how she built her wildly successful business, her journey with parenting a special needs son, her perserverance through marrital strife, and how she conquers life.
Becoming (Michelle Obama) Where do I start with this book? No matter what your political stance is, Michelle Obama is your girl. Honest, vulnerable and incredibly likeable, I ate up this book. I walked away feeling encouraged and inspired. (And like I could do anything!)
“I need to relate to my kid better” best inspirational books for moms
Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him (Sally Clarkson and Nathan Clarkson) Sally’s son Nathan grew up with some serious mental health issues. Both Nathan and Sally tell how they learned to better connect and understand each other. Nathan shares his story of learning about himself and growing into a thriving, happy adult. Then Sally shares the mom side of his journey. This story is a tear-jerker and will help you see your challenging child as the blessing that he (or she) already is.
“Help me overcome perfectionism” best inspirational books for moms
Why Your Best is Good Enough (Kevin Leman) I love the wisdom and humor of psychologist, Kevin Lehman. This book was one of my favorites that he’s written. (And I’ve read many!) Amazon review says, “Dr. Kevin Leman helps those who struggle with self-doubt to value their talents and gifts and accept their shortcomings. He points out why the lifestyle we develop as a child determines our degree of success or failure and explains how, regardless of the past, each person can develop a healthy lifestyle today.”
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s a fantastic life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library.Join our community below.
Read the Full Series on Self-Care & Inspiration for Moms
Why is self-care so hard for moms? Y’all, I ignored it for so long, that I had an epic mom crash. (I talk about it over here.) I never want to go there again, so it’s game on, self-care!
I recently listened to a podcast by the author of my favorite book on creativity (affiliate link), Liz Gilbert, where she talked about how she feels like she has been given the divine responsibility of being in charge of “Liz,” so needs to do what’s best for “Liz.”
Okay, I hope I don’t mess up the interpretation of what she said too much, but let me tell you how it went into my heart…
God gives us the sacred responsibility of taking care of ourselves. So, I need to see myself in the 3rd person. I need to step outside of myself and say, “Cheryl doesn’t need to be doing that. She’s done enough..she needs sleep, or to say ‘no,’ or to sit and pet her beloved dog.”
For this go-go-go, do-all-the-things girl, that way of explaining our self-obligation was powerful. Self-care is vital. We better serve our families and communities when we are in a good place. So, be encouraged by the full series on self-care and other inspiration for moms.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
(Inside: Join the FREE online mom summit! Listen to the 20+ experts who will encourage, inspire, motivate and give you lots of freebies!
Summit Presentation: How to Find Time to do What You Love (Without Feeling Guilty About It)
It was so fun to present at the Put the Me Back in Mommy Summit hosted by Isabelle Bridges. (I found out AFTER THE FACT that Isabelle is the daughter of actor Jeff Bridges.So, yup – she’s humble like that.)
I talk about How to Find Time to Do What You Love (Without Feeling Guilty About it). I discuss:
My epic mom-crash.
Why taking me-time is not just important – it’s vital!
How to let go of the mom-guilt.
How to find more actual time in your busy day.
How to maximize that time.
If you are in the season of parenting where you need to hear empowerment to find time to do what you love, this message is for you. (Side note: not every message is for every season. Read more about that here.)
The summit is now over, but you can watch the replay below…
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.
