Family Connection

(Inside: Moms, we think it’s just our family at the dinner table, another meal, nothing special, but it’s so much more than that…)

It’s not just dinner.

Moms, we think it’s just dinner, but we forget.

It’s not just noodles, a jar of spaghetti sauce, and a side of broccoli.

Or pizza showing up at our door.

Or chicken sandwiches ordered from a booth.

It’s a place for our family to fill their empty bellies – a mood booster and an energy-giver.

It’s a place to unpack your thoughts and process your day. To be heard and to listen. And for your family to speak truth and encouragement into each other’s lives.

It’s a place to just focus on eating because everyone’s too tired to talk, but it’s your safe place to simply sit and be. The dinner table is a place to belong.

It’s a place for good conversations. And belly laughs. And heated debates. And dumb topics. And intellectual thoughts.

At the end of a busy day, we can quickly throw together/order/pick up something to eat and not think anything more about it. But it’s not just dinner.

It’s a pause in life to soak in the people you love. To refuel your body. To show and receive emotional support. To create and deepen family connections. To nurture a sense of belonging.

Life gets busy and this certainly isn’t going to happen every single night.

But, that rhythm of continually coming back to family meals.

It’s not just dinner.

It’s life.

Want to connect more than over your family at the dinner table? Read more in the “Create Family Connections” series.

We all want to feel connected to our family. I know, I do.

One of my favorite things to do with my family is to create family time. Yes, life gets busy, and no I don’t do this all perfectly (who actually does!?!), but it sure is fun to try.

I hope you enjoy these family connection articles and ideas too…

FAMILY ACTIVITIES
400+ Great Conversation Starters for Families of Teens
7 Powerful Reasons to Pray as a Family (+ Prayer Journal)

INSPIRATIONAL STORIES
My Big Kids, No Matter How Fast Your Grow, I’ll Always Be Your Mom
Moms of Big Kids, Get Lost in Motherhood if You Want

CELEBRATING HOLIDAYS
30+ Ways to Connect With Your Family Over the Holiday Season

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens…

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kids, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community here or below.

Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.

400+ Great Conversation Starters for Families of Teens

(Inside: Do you want good conversation starters for your teens? Or great questions to ask your teens to help them open up to the family? Read on…)

Conversation Starters For Teens

Moms want to connect with their teens. We want to know what our teens love and don’t, what’s going well and isn’t, how they best feel heard and loved, and about their friendships, school, and life.

We want to know how they think.

We want to know what makes them happy.

And I could keep listing because the truth is we want to know everything about our teens – we want to know who those sweet babies that we carried and nurtured and rocked are growing up to be.

conversation starters teens — Grab the conversation starters for families of teens here.

Teens Want To Be Known

Similarly, teens want to be heard. They want to be seen, loved, and wanted by their parents. Even when they are at their worst, they still want their parents to pursue them, over and over telling (and showing) them they are worthy and loved.

Connecting With Our Teens Can Be Hard

However, life isn’t flawless. Teens can hold it together all day and fall apart when they come home, their moodiness tearing through the house with unbridled force. Or they find themselves lost in stress, or emotions or impulsiveness or self-sabotaging or apathy. But, as moms, we don’t buy any I-don’t-need-you signs. Not even one pennyworth – our teens long to connect with their families.

A Simple Way To Connect That Your Teen Will Like

 As my sons grew older, I wanted to add tools to my box of ways to connect with them. In my high school classroom (I’ve taught for 20+ years), I’ve noticed that when I put students in small groups and had them answer anywhere from dumb to ridiculous to basic to thought-provoking questions, kids came alive. They loved sharing their thoughts and flourished in the framework of the presented questions. So, I took this idea home and found my quiet sons opening up with these conversation starters – be still, my heart.

Asking The Right Questions Is Key To Teens Opening-Up: Conversation Starters for Families of Teens

But not everyone feels like opening up at all times. Some teens love to jump into all the talking, while others need to warm up. So, these conversation starters include a variety of questions like…

Expected get-to-know-you questions: If you could interview someone who is famous, who would that be?
Yes-or-no-quick questions: Is chili a type of soup – yes or no?
Get-to-know-their-world questions: What’s the best YouTube or TikTok video you’ve watched lately?
Get-to-to-know-their-friends questions: If you were planning a cross-country road trip from Florida to Washington State, which three people would you hope would go with you? Tell me why you chose each person.
Reflective questions: You come home super stressed, go into your room and lie down on your bed. You flip on a song – which song is it?
Insightful questions: If you were told you had to switch friend groups, which peers at school would you like to get to know more?
Faith questions: What do you understand about the trinity?
Plus, questions about quotes, scripture verses, deep topics, tricky subjects and more…

conversations starters teens — Grab the conversation starters for families of teens here.

400+ Conversation Starters for Teens Are Broken Into Three Categories

Then these questions are broken into three categories, depending on how deep you want to go with the people involved in the discussion:

200+ Fun Get-to-Know-You Questions: Great for enjoyable conversations between friends, among extended family, or for low-stress evenings.
100+ Dive-Deeper Questions: Designed for close family who wants to really get to know each other. There are hard subjects and personal topics covered in these conversations starters.
100+ Faith-Filled Questions: These questions were created to help everyone reflect on their faith journeys and connect over deep discussions.

How To Use The Conversation Starters For Families Of Teens Resource

I’ve found the most success with these questions when I’ve made “a thing” of it. Meaning, just like when we’ve declared family movie night, we plan a family discussion time where everyone is prepared to talk. Here are some ideas of what this could look like:

Dinner discussion: We’ve cut up the questions and put them in a gallon-size ziplock bag. Then maybe every Tuesday is “talk night.” Each family member draws one question to ask the group and discuss.
Evening Activity: Instead of playing cards or watching a movie, grab some snacks and get comfortable and everyone picks a number. Those are the questions that you ask each other.
Car rides: When you’re riding to church or the store or a game together, maybe you pass the time with a question.
And more: There is no right or wrong way to implement the question asking – the purpose is to get to know each other. If teens are asked, they usually have good ideas of how to roll out fun and some would like to lead when/how the questions are asked.

The Goal Is To Connect Over These Conversations For Families Of Teens

Remember, the goal of the conversations is for those involved in the discussion to connect. So even if it’s not all going perfectly, if everyone is talking and laughing and getting to know each other – we’ve nailed it.

Here are 12 Conversation Starters For Families Of Teens for your family to try…

1. What’s that one funny thing that pops into your head when you’re supposed to be serious (at church, in class, at a funeral) that will make you laugh every time?

2. Is chili considered a soup? Yes or No. Is lasagna a casserole? Yes or No.

3. Would you rather be someone who makes a ton of money but isn’t sure if you made a positive
impact on the world or someone who made very little financially but touched many people’s lives?

4. When you’re having a terrible day, what do you do to calm yourself down and shake the stress?

5. If you just got elected governor of your state and you could make one rule that the whole state had to follow, what rule would it be?

6. If you were taking a road trip from Florida to Washington state, which three non-family members would your take with you?

7. What’s a bad habit you wish you could break? Or which bad habit do you have, but you don’t care one bit about giving it up?

8. What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?

9. What’s the class at school that has the best environment? What’s the subject you find the most interesting? Which class do you have the most friends in?

10. What age do you think is the best to be? Why?

11. What is your favorite app on your phone? What’s one app that you really should give up?

12. Would you rather own your own business with some risk but more earning potential or would you rather work for someone else and have a stable income that covers your expenses but not much more?

If you liked those questions, grab the full list of 400+ The Conversation Starters For Families Of Teens…

Click the below link to grab the conversation starters for families of teens. As a bonus, I’ll add you to my monthly(ish) parenting tweens and teens inspirational email list. The monthly emails are free, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community here or below.

Read the Full Raising Tweens and Teens Series

My oldest son started high school last week and I’m still in a coma because of it. Even though I’ve taught high school for over two decades, I’m confused as to how I’m actually old enough to be a parent of a high schooler.

Teaching high schoolers has always been a passion of mine, but not parenting them is as well. I could research, write, and talk about this topic until eternity. I hope you are encouraged by some of my articles.

TEACHING GRIT
The Pandemic is Shaping Kids in These 6 Powerful Ways

ENCOURAGEMENT FOR TEENS
A Simple and Effective Way to Encourage Your Teen

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TWEEN/TEEN
How to Get Your Teen/Teen to Their “Aha Moment”
How to Get Your Tween/Teenage Son to Open Up to You

PARENTING
Parenting is Hard: This One Thought Can Help You Better Thrive
7 Reasons Why Raising Tweens & Teens is the Best
Dear Kids – Know the Difference Between “Chores” and “Maintenance”
I Will Miss These Years of Raising Tweens and Teens
To the Mom of a High School Freshman

Best Family Movies for Tweens and Teens

(Inside: Best family movies for tweens and teens. Get the ultimate list of movies for tweens and teens that your family will love.)

A big bowl of popcorn, the family piled on the couch, and a great movie – those are some of my best childhood memories.

Now as a mom, after a busy week, it feels so good to crash on the couch with my favorite people and watch something great.

So I made an ultimate go-to list of best family movies. Of course, all movies aren’t best for every family, it depends on the ages of your kids, their interests, and how good you are with the fast-forward button. But, all the below movies are PG-13 (except one) or lower and have solid storylines.

I hope you find something your family will like.

Best Family Movies
for Tweens and Teens

**This blog post contains affiliate links, which mean if you purchase through the link, I get a small commission at no extra charge to you.**

Musicals Series

See 100 more best musical movies here, but listed below are my favorites.

Adventure/Drama Series

Comedy Movies

For more comedy movies go here and here.

best family movies tweens and teens — Get-to-know-you questions, diver-deeper questions, and faith-filled questions. Read more about the conversation starters here.

Adventure/Action Movies

Drama Movies

Sports Movies

Science Fiction/Fantasy Movies

Marvel Movies

We’re huge Marvel fans and have watched all of these movies, except Guardians of the Galaxy Volumes 1 & 2 aren’t our favorite for family movies. If you’d like to know the chronological order in which to watch the Marvel movies, check out this website.

Animated Disney Movies

Click here to see a list of all Disney Movies. I listed my recommendations below.

Classic Disney Movies (Not animated)

Click here to see a list of all Disney Movies. I listed my recommendations below.

Other animated Movies

Click here to see a list of all Disney Movies. I listed my recommendations below.

Watching family movies is great, but there are more ways to connect. Read more in the description here.

DC Movies

DC movies are a bit dark for our family; we don’t watch all of them. I listed the movies we like; however, if you want to see a full list of DC movies go here.

Wonder Woman (2017)

Green Lantern (2011)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Star Wars Movies

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

Your brain bounces between your day at work, what time(s) your kids need to be at practice, your teen’s missing school assignments, that you haven’t called your mom lately, the load of the laundry to be switched, “What’s for dinner?” and “Why are 3 of my brain-tabs frozen?”

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Home Exercises for Teens: Feel Happy & Healthy

(Inside: Exercise ideas for teens that will help spark a love of movement. These home exercises can help your family feel happy and healthy during the quarantine.)

We’re 11 days into this coronavirus-stay-at-home pandemic and here’s what I’m learning. When spending every waking second together, if we don’t exercise, we get a little, ahem, shall I say…temperamental…

Growling becomes our thing. It’s really, really…NOT lovely.

But, exercise helps.

A lot.

Moving our bodies lifts our spirits and makes us kinder, gentler people.

However, even though our brains know this, our bodies want to eat Cheetos and watch superhero movies. We have to force ourselves to push past I-don’t-feel-like-it and just start.

Exercise Ideas for Teens

Since PE class is canceled, sports seasons are postponed and friends aren’t allowed over, we’ve had to be creative and intentional about trying to move for 30-60 minutes a day in our home.

We’ve made it a family expectation, and honestly, staying consistent(ish) with it is going fairly well. We all seem to like our chosen activity.

So, here are some awesome ideas to release those happy endorphins, written specifically for teens, but also for siblings and parents…

Related article: Compelling Books High Schoolers Will Want to Read

home exercises for teens — Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE.

1. Sports

If your teen loves sports, this quarantine is an awesome opportunity to work on their skills. Teens can research drills for their sport and come up with a training plane. Here are some ideas:

Quick feet indoor soccer drills
Indoor dribbling drills for basketball players
Improve your tennis skills from home
At home speed and agility football workout
Sports endurance and agility workout for all sports that you can do at home

2. Yoga

For those who don’t love high-endurance exercising, yoga just might be perfect for them. The stretching and breathing can be an instant mood booster. Here are a few places to start:

20-minute beginner yoga class
Higher impact yoga
Yoga for strength

3. At-home equipment

Time to stop using the treadmill or bike to hang your laundry on… Dust it off, tuck earbuds in, crank up the music or inspirational podcasts and get that body moving.

4. Use the stairs

I grew up in small homes on the various military bases my dad was stationed – we didn’t ever have extra space for equipment. My dad would set a timer and huff it up and down the stairs. Even 10 or 15 minutes will help us all break a sweat.

5. Go for a walk

We can grab our dogs (coronavirus is the best thing that’s happened to them), a skateboard, favorite music and enjoy a walk. There’s nothing like nature.

5. Ride your bike

There’s a reason why biking is so popular, it’s so much fun. Rekindle the love of two wheels and enjoy being outside through biking.

6. Dance!

I threw on a song and pulled out my nineties moves. My boys were not into it… They ran. But, that’s exercise too so I’m calling it a parenting win.

However, for those that like to dance, here are some fun videos:

20-min hip-hop dance class
Beginning contemporary dance routine
Learn to tap dance
Learn ballet video
Hip-hop cardio routine
30-min Latin dance workout

7. Strength and conditioning routines

There are so many great videos that focus on strength and conditioning. I can usually talk myself into 10 minutes. Then once I’ve warmed up, I can talk myself into one more video. Here are a few of my favorites:

8. Cardio workout videos

I forgot how much I like a quality exercise video. These are some good ones:

30-minute standing cardio workout
30-minute at-home cardio workout
30-min no-equipment strength and cardio routine
30-minute no-equipment cardio workout (My favorite!)

9. Kickboxing

Kickboxing makes exercising way more fun. Here are some quality routines:

30-min no-equipment cardio kickboxing workout (My fav!)
Killer kickboxing and cardio workout
30-min below the belt kickboxing workout
45-min cardio kickboxing boot camp

10. Play!

There are so many ways to move that don’t feel like exercising because they’re fun:

skateboarding
rollerblading
play tag, ghosts in a graveyard, or capture the flag with your siblings
garden
jump on the trampoline
create street art out of chalk
fly a kite
shoot hoops – play PIG or HORSE
create a fort outside, craft something (think of all the up and down, lifting and moving you do when you create)
sculpt your yard – mow, stain your deck, create a pretty outdoor space for your family (working is my version of play)

Photo by Marliese Streefland on Unsplash

11. Clean!

I saved the best for last and I’m so incredibly serious about this idea. I can work up a sweat cleaning out closets, vacuuming, and moving laundry around. Multitask by cleaning/organizing/purging clutter. Get your sweat on and see your rewarding result – a clean, organized room. Need inspiration? Watch Marie Kondo on NetFlix. Or watch her tips below. (Grab a family cleaning chart to help things go well here.)

A clean, tidy space is so nice to walk into – this could be your room!

Exercise Ideas for Teens: Your turn!

What’s your favorite way to exercise? Email me or let me know in the comments.

For more than exercise ideas for teens, read the full “entertaining tweens and teens” series…

The other day, I saw of picture of when my kids were little (like when I wrote this post), and I thought I so deeply want to go back to this season of life. I miss it.

But just as quickly as that thought came, another thought followed Someday, I will see pictures of my current parenting phase (raising tweens and teens) and wish to come back to today.

So, I want to do my best to enjoy this season of life. These ideas on how to connect with and entertain tweens and teens can help…

Entertaining Tweens and Teens Series

INSPIRATION
How a Messy House is Good for Your Kids

IDEAS
85+ Kids Activities That Promote Creativity

READING
146+ Best Chapter Books for Tweens that will Also Build Character
Compelling Books That High Schoolers Will Want to Read

EXERCISE
Home Exercises for Your Teens & the Whole Family (Feel Healthy & Happy)

Join this community of moms of older kids

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kids, feel empowered in your personal growth, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get inspiration, resources, and stories in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community here or below.

How to Get Your Tween/Teen to Their “Aha Moment”

(Inside: Communicating with your teen can be hard. If you are wondering how to better communicate with your tweens or teens, here’s a proven method that works.)

“No, I swear – I’m going to graduate! I got this!” the son said to his mom.

“So, how exactly are you going to graduate.” (She’s no dummy.) She pulls up his transcript. He’s failing all of his third-trimester junior classes, so mathematically isn’t able to earn enough credits his senior year to graduate. He’s refusing credit recovery or summer school. He insists it will all work out in the next year even though the math in front of him is showing him it’s impossible. (Another confirmation he needs to retake algebra.)

Photo by **Nicholas Githiri** from **Pexels**

This story is not uncommon. It repeats itself in raising tweens and teens on other issues, like:

The red flags of an over-controlling boyfriend or girlfriend.
The confusion teens experience over why they got fired because I was only late a few times what’s the big deal?
The teen who treats her friends like royalty and family like dirt.
The teen who continually overcommits then wonders why he’s stressed.
The girl who honestly does NOT think all the duck-lipped, sexy photos posted will be seen by potential employers. (“Mom, it’s fine my page is set on public. Employers who hire don’t check these things.” *Yes, they do!*)
Teens thinking they are invincible and free from pain – despite their bad choices.
The student who’s not organized but that’s everyone else’s fault.

And so on…

What do you do when you’re tween/teen is making poor choices?

Moms, we love our teens. So, it can be so hard when we see a piece of our hearts (walking around in the form of a tall lanky, human being with braces) making poor choices.

When our kids are self-sabotaging how do we get them to see the light? How do we talk to them so they are intrinsically motivated to take the next right step? How do we get them to a powerful “ah-ha” moment?

We start with what our gut is urging us to do…we talk to our kids…

“How do I better communicate with my teen?”

There are two ways our conversations with our kids sometimes unfold:

Method 1: Lecturing
Method 2: Questioning

Let’s look closer at both conversation methods…

Communicating with Teen Method 1: Lecturing

Moms, we mean well, but sometimes, like a freight train on steroids, our talks quickly go from listening to lecturing. For example, here’s how a condensed conversation might go…

Mom: I’ve noticed this problem.
Kid: Yeah, me too.
Mom: The problem is… And you shouldn’t do that because of (moms insert all the reasons and her wisdom here.)
Kid: Okay…

Mom continues lecturing. The big parenting emotions convince mom that the kid hasn’t made good choices because kid hasn’t previously heard mom’s wise words that have been said a billion times.

So mom revs up her loudest voice. (Yelling is most definitely the solution. Kid can for sure hear me if I yell.)

Kid zones out what is being said because she’s getting yelled at then walks away feeling angry, disappointed, and regretful. However, kid is not focused on the wisdom yelled at her, but rather the yelling itself.

Mom hates that she had to yell and instantly feels guilty. However, the silver lining is that much wisdom was at least shared. (I said what I need to say and now, certainly, my daughter will make a change. However, why do I always have to yell to get her there?)

The next day kid repeats the poor choices.

Have you been there? Yeah, me too – parenting can be so hard.

Communicating with Teen Method 2: Questioning

But there’s another way to communicate – one that high school teachers (I am one), counselors, and other professionals working with teens have repeatedly proven effective. Let’s look at the questioning method.

In this method, the mom keeps asking questions until she is able to lead her kids to a healthy solution that the kid came up with on his/her own.

(Know this about me: I believe that all kids want to be successful and proud of who they are. I encourage moms to look for that spark in the conversation that proves this.)

Onward…here’s a short, tidy version (probably, overly tidy) of what communicating with your teen and the questioning method looks like:

Mom: I saw that your missing 15 homework assignments.
Kid: Yeah, so what.
Mom: Do you like that you’re missing that many homework assignments?
Kid: I don’t know, not really.
Mom: Why are you missing so much homework?
Kid: I don’t know, I just don’t like to do it.

Mom: What about it don’t you like?
Kid: It takes so long. I feel unmotivated to sit down in the evening.
Mom: What spot in the house do you feel most motivated to work?
Kid: I guess the kitchen table.
Mom: When do you feel most motivated to do homework?
Kid: I guess in the evening. I need a break after school.

Mom: Okay, so how can I help you make sure you set up a routine that will help you be successful?
Kid: I guess just help remind me that from 6:00-7:00 is homework time.
Mom: What should you do about all the missing homework assignments?
Kid: I’ll find out what I can make up and finish them.
Mom: Okay, when will you have them done by?
Kid: Give me two days. I’ll work in my study hall.

If your teen is crabby and uncooperative, tell them you’ll give them an hour to let this idea set in, then try again.

And if needed – again! Momma, you are a boss woman!

You recovered from a horrendous c-section.

You juggle a job and bills and highlighting your grey hair.

You will not let this teenager get the best of you.

Deep breaths – you are calm, saintly, and pure.

This is about your teenager, don’t give them any reason to make this about you – keep the focus on them. And try again.

Why the Questioning Method Works for Communicating with Teens

Tweens and teens are tricky. There they want to please their parents and do the right thing, but they sometimes get lost in the many layers of being a teen. But, still, they have pride, want independence, and crave parent approval – this method meets all three of your kids’ wants:

They are answering the questions, the control is in their hands. (They maintain their pride.)
Your kids are coming up with the solution. This shapes their intrinsic motivation and independence. Momma, all you are doing is asking questions and thinking of more good questions to get them to a solution. (No need to get angry. You wear a halo. Chirping birds fly peacefully around you. Deep breaths and saintly thoughts, momma.)
You continually affirm them. “Yes, that makes sense,” but…then onto the next question. (Remember, those kids love having your approval, even when they say they don’t.)

Let me emphasize again that I gave a condensed version, but expect the conversation to be much more work.

Video: Lead Your Teen to His/Her Aha Moments

I wrote out the condensed version of how to lead your teen to their own “aha moment,” but this video models it. The counselor walks through:

Method 1: Lecturing
Method 2: Questioning

Watch until the end and see how the Questioning Method can be powerful and effective.

The aha moment might come, but change is slow.

If you look at the curriculum of subjects in schools, we teach and re-teach the same material (but add a little more depth) from kindergarten through 12th grade. My second grader brought home a geometry concept I was working on with my 10th graders, and I about fell over.

But, it makes sense. We need to see content multiple times to remember it. You might get your kid to the aha moment (“Now, I get why I should be responsible”), but remember he/she is continually learning the necessary behavior to support these new responsible actions.

Parents, being patient and consistent (so hard!) will help our kids relearn and remember the next right step they came up with for themselves.

Change is slow, but the work is important.

Your work is important.

Keep talking to your kids. Reteach that “aha” moment. Keep moving forward.

Moms, our work is vital. If you are willing to invest this time learning how to better talk to your kids – you are a rockstar. You kids hit the parenting jackpot. And if they don’t know it, they will.

In the future, I bet how lucky they are to have you as a mom will be one of their “aha” moments.

If you aren’t just concerned about communicating with your teen but also, raising great kids – dive into the full raising tweens and teens series

Raising Tweens/Teens Series

TEACHING GRIT
The Pandemic is Shaping Kids in These 6 Powerful Ways

ENCOURAGEMENT FOR TEENS
A Simple and Effective Way to Encourage Your Teen

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TWEEN/TEEN
How to Get Your Teen/Teen to Their “Aha Moment”
How to Get Your Tween/Teenage Son to Open Up to You

PARENTING
Parenting is Hard: THis One Thought Can Help You Better Thrive
7 Reasons Why Raising Tweens & Teens is the Best

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You just dropped your kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s a fantastic life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.

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The Importance of Grandparents In Raising Older Kids: We Need You More

The Power of Encouragement: Moms Need It More Than You Know
In Raising Older Kids: This Is Why You Need The Grandparents EVEN MORE

The importance of grandparents grows even more when you are raising kids. It’s so nice to have the grandparent’s help.

Growing up, my friends’ families vacationed at Disneyworld or sandy beaches. But, not my family. We went to Colorado Springs.

I loved our vacation spot for one big reason: my grandparents lived there. When we’d visit my grandparents, we’d also get to spend time with all of the extended family – aunts, uncles, and about a billion cousins. (It’s been joked that if you find yourself in Colorado Springs needing a ride, just stand at the corner and start hollering the family name. Some “Stegner” will be near to help.)

In contrast, raised as a military kid, my immediate family’s roots never ran deep. Just as soon as I’d familiarized myself with the neighborhood, settled into school, and made friends, we picked up and moved. (Again.) Even though I loved the adventurous life of an Air Force family, I was also drawn to the stability of a giant family (with grandparents!) who shared a town. To me, Colorado Springs was sacred.

{Fast forward.}

When my husband and I were trying to decide where to put down our own roots, I wanted to recreate that Colorado Springs experience. So, we weighed the options: live in Illinois (my parents) or Minnesota (my in-laws and their extended family).

Minnesota won.

In raising older kids, I’ve never been more grateful to live close to a set of grandparents. (And that the other set – my parents – visit often.) What a blessing both sets of grandparents are to us…an epic blessing.

I’ve found in raising tweens and teens, we need the grandparents more than ever, and here’s why:

No one else loves the kids like the grandparents

There’s a short list of people who truly love your kids as selflessly and wholeheartedly as you. The grandparents are on that list. With them, you can unleash all of your braggings about your kid and the grandparents actually want to hear your lack of humbleness! It’s lovely to share such love for tall, gangly humans with crackly voices and acne with someone else. (You complete us, grandparents. You. Complete. Us.)

Grandparents help with all the taxing around

Our family loves being involved; it’s fun to watch our kids learn and flourish in activities. However, our schedule stretches my husband and me as thin as paper. So, it’s ah-maze-ing when the grandparents dive in and cart our kids around to soccer games and basketball tournaments.

Similarly, I have a friend whose dad does all the boy scout activities with her son – it’s their special thing. And another friend whose son’s grandpa is in charge of his music lessons. Then there are the grandmas who help working parents with sick kids and take-your-dog-to-the-school-picnic day.

Grandparents who jump in and help out – let us all rise up and call you beloved. (I’m so serious.)

To keep your tweens/teens trust, you can’t talk to just anyone about them

I used to talk about my kid’s silly words, tantrums, and diaper blowouts with the moms in my MOPS group. (Mother of Preschoolers) But, now I can’t. My kids tell me things they don’t want laughed about or spread around like wildfire. But still, moms need a safe, nonjudgmental place to unravel our parenting thoughts. Grandparents provide that safe place.

Grandparents are important because more people cheering your kid on the better

If just even one of the four grandparents show up for a game or concert, my kids feel like a million bucks. The more people who love my kids and cheer them on the better!

It takes a village – grandparents say your wise words but sometimes better

I can tell my kids a thousand times that they need to read because it’s vital to their education and I get crickets. But when grandma buys them a new book and encourages them to enjoy it, all of a sudden reading is the best thing ever. Those important life lessons we so desperately want our kids to learn…sometimes the grandparents can drive home the point from a new angle or using a different style and it works. I’m pretty sure that’s called everyone is winning.

Because moms need the grandparent’s encouragement too

There’s something life-giving about hearing your mom, dad or in-laws say, “Good job!” or “I’m grateful for you!” or “I love you!” Or notice that you could use a dinner out. (“Bring the family – we’ll pay!”) Or bring you a glass of peach sweet tea for no reason. (Awwww…you noticed me!) Grandparents, your kind words mean more to us than we sometimes even realize.

The importance of grandparents is huge, but so is also being in a community of moms raising tweens and teens. Join our community HERE.

Sometimes confiding in a grandparent is easier than the parents

Mommas, yes, we want our teens to tell us everything. (Ah…sweet, utopia…) But, sometimes, there’ll be moments, when they need to talk to someone other than us. (Or instead of us.) So, it’s nice to have trusted adults who will help our kids gain perspective, feel cherished, and know they’re loved. Both kids and parents benefit from a wide support group.

You help your kids build cherished relationships

My kids love that when their nana and papa come to visit. They explore museums, putt-putt golf, and make an abundance of chocolate chip cookies. My kids talk about the visit for months.

My in-laws (who live in town) are a staple in my kids’ lives. If my kids haven’t seen their grandparents in a few days, they bug us to see them. They even online shop with grandma over the phone. (“Mom, the amazon price has dropped, can I call grandma and let her know?”) (I’m not even kidding.)

By interacting with their grandparents, my kids are learning to engage with people and build cherished, healthy relationships. (My kids also learn to love unconditionally, because we’re family. We’re not perfect, but we always come back to loving each other.)

If your kids have grandparents around, consider yourself lucky

Most of those Colorado trips I remember so fondly ended up being just to see my grandma and the rest of the extended family. My grandpa died from Parkinson’s disease young. (I was only 12.) Similarly, I have dear friends whose parents are gone, or never visit, or are too busy living their own lives. Also, I have friends whose family drama has cast a dark shadow and the relationship isn’t there. So, I don’t take for granted two sets of active, healthy grandparents. And if you are in my boat, I bet you don’t either…

Importance of grandparents photo by **rawpixel.com** from **Pexels**

To the grandparents (from us)

To the grandparents who love us so well – thank you. Thank you for being our “support staff.” (As my parents call themselves.) We cherish all the encouragement, listening, and rides for our kids. I know we often forget to tell you, so we’re saying it now: thank you.

Thank you for loving us so well. You are a sacred part of our lives and the moments spent with your grandkids – they will always be remembered.

And cherished.

Forever.

Just like you. You are deeply loved.

The importance of grandparents is huge, but so is being in a community of moms raising tweens and teens…

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community below.

Read the full series on not just the importance of grandparents, but also on building your family’s community:

I was always the girl who moved. After I just unpacked my things into a new home and made it my own, found a church and started making a connection with my faith family, met the neighbors and began to enjoy living by new people, formed my friend group at school together and started to grow close to them – just when I would grow roots, my dad would get his orders.

As the daughter of an Air Force rescue helicopter pilot, I grew up moving every few years. (And sometimes few months, as we’d be in transition waiting for my dad to finish training or for a house to open up on base for us to live.) Moments were hard, but also, the life of a military kid was a great gift.

I learned so much, especially about the importance of community. I became a joiner.

Moms, there will be seasons for all of us when friendships feel hard, but still – we fight for community. We continue to work on building our friend group around us through church, neighbors, moms we meet through our kids, work, and more.

Because we need good people in our lives and people need us! Be encouraged by reading more articles on building your community:

The Importance of Grandparents and Building Your Community Series

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