Parenting Humor Archives - Empowered Moms and Kids

Parenting Humor: When You Just Gotta Laugh

(Inside: Parenting humor and stories you’ll love. Parenting is hard and amazing and crazy and funny. Sometimes, you gotta love laugh.)

You might be parenting teens and/or tweens if you can relate to these stories…

When you cannot nail the cool parent role

“Sure,” you tell your teenage son you can pick up his friend and take him to lacrosse practice.

You haven’t met this friend yet, but it’ll be fun to get to know a new friend of your teenage son. This car ride’s going to be great, after all, you’re good with people. Daily, you’re awesome at connecting with coworkers, even the quirky ones. You’ve always had pizazz and people skills – the center of attention, you can pull off. Everyone likes you, and you like everyone.

So, you pick up your friend’s kid. He lives in the cutest old home out in the country. You admire his home and chat about the chicken coup you spied. You asked him about what his parents do. One is a pilot but rebuilds a car on the side. That’s what’s in the old shed, he nods at. “Wow!,” you exclaim, “Tell me more about that…”

He gives short teenage responses. But, it’s all good because you are on top of this conversation. After all, you’re great with people. You ask great questions. And when there’s a lull you tell great jokes.

Joke.

Joke.

Joke.

You are Chandelier Bing.

Except…

You are Chandelier Bing…

You drop your son and his friend off at the high school feeling good about yourself. Man, momma, you nailed that car ride. You asked great questions, you were funny, you engaged this new friend of your son – I bet your son and his friend think you are the coolest. (Because you are.)

Later that night, you bring up the car ride. You don’t need a pat on the back, but every now and again people could recognize your gift of gab.

“Wasn’t that fun?” you say to your son.

“Your friend was interesting. Wasn’t that conversation great?”

Your sweet son who adores you times a million. This kid loves you to the moon and back shakes his head at your assessment of the car ride conversation and says, “Mom, you embarrassed me.”

Turns out your kid doesn’t want you to be the “cool parent,” he just wants you to be a parent.

Next time you drop this kid off at practice, you don’t say a word. And you let the teens lead the conversation. Which turns out to be way more interesting anyway. I mean, that happened during lunch. Omgosh – good info.

The pressure’s off mommas, our kids don’t want us to be cool. They just want us to be their mom.

The moment you officially become a mom (It’s not what you think.)

You’re not driving a mom van. No way. Even if you have two kids in car seats, you just can’t. The mom van image – it’s not you.

You are more of a…

car #1 girl.

Or a car #2 girl…

You can imagine yourself cruising to your high-powered penthouse office job in a convertible. Your skirt suit and heels look good coming out of that kinda car.

Okay, your office isn’t in a penthouse suite overlooking NYC (Hello, midwest), but you could get that kind of fancy-important-amazing job if you wanted. Totally, could – but not if you’re driving a mom-van.

Now, you realize every other parent has a van. People with vans are nice. People with vans have college degrees.

You even know a lawyer-working-mom who drives a minivan and is successful. (Life is weird.) But still, you have a mental block regarding van-life, so you will not budge. That image is not you. You are sleek and cool and do not ever wear spit-up as perfume. You know you might have weird-mini-van issues, but everyone has their quirks, so people just need to love you as you are.

But, there is a practical side to you, so you spend the parenting babies years, not in fancy cars, but in a solid Ford Fusion. It’s tight, but your two-car seats fit. The diaper bags, strollers, groceries, and two kids all work in your family-friendly sedan.

Time passes and you’ve gotten through the baby, toddler, preschool, early elementary years in your beloved Ford. Okay, maybe not beloved. Beloved would be car #1 (dreams!), but you are a positive person and know to appreciate your non-van car.

Now your kids are tweens.

Everywhere you go, they want to bring friends. Like, multiple friends. But you don’t hate this idea because you learn so much from the car-ride chatter.

Your kids now also have hockey bags, lacrosse sticks, and dance uniforms. (How does all the dance gear dominate?)

You want to join the carpools. You need to fit at least seven and if possible eight total living, breathing humans in your car.

Your check engine light has gone on one too many times, so it’s time for a new car.

Your identity is still strong – you shop car #1 and car #2. (Still dreaming!) You consider the new version of your Fusion.

You hem and haw. You think a lot. You google how many other attorney-moms drive vans. (Again – not you, but it could be.)

The decision point arrives and you complete your vehicle purchase. You exit the dealership driving……a van.

Congratulations, you’ve officially become a parent.

PS – if you never get a van, then the day you shop July Amazon prime days for your Broomba, which you purchase, throw in a closet, and give yourself for Christmas. That works for your official parenting inauguration day too.

family at dinner table — Connect with your family over THESE 400+ Conversation Starters.

Your turn: tell your stories full of parenting humor

My life is surrounded by tweens and teens. I’m raising three, my friends are collectively raising a billion and I teach high school. From my life (and antics my fellow moms and high school students share with me), these are my stories. (As always – because I love my people, I’m careful with what and how I share their stories.)

What are the funny things your tweens/teens have done? Leave your stories in the comments.

Momma who just got her first van – congrats, you officially are a parent now. Read on for more #parentinghumor and #funnymomstories Click To Tweet

Join our community of moms raising tweens and teens

Your brain bounces between your day at work, what time(s) your kids need to be at practice, your teen’s missing school assignments, that you haven’t called your mom lately, the load of the laundry to be switched, “What’s for dinner?” and “Why are 3 of my brain-tabs frozen?”

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Funny Mom Story: Disastrous Day Turned Parenting Win

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(Inside: Funny mom story ahead. Moms, why do we stress about being perfect? The imperfections make life fun and often turn out to be the best parenting wins.)

My husband, three sons, and I stood army-stance, hands-on-hips, staring at our van.

All of the doors were flung open and the insides of the car split out onto the ground. Three sets of ice skates, fishing rods, a tackle box, reusable grocery bags, four soccer chairs, a basketball, crumbled middle school papers, and squished cups.

Let me back up.

A few minutes ago, we’d been backing out of our driveway.

One happy family and a dog ready to spend an epic day fishing at a new lake. Our youngest son called from the back, “There’s a tick on my window.” In my kids-must-learn-to-be-independent-current-parenting-quest I answered, “You’re smart. Figure out what to do.” I’m not really sure what exactly his next steps were, but a living, breathing, blood-sucking tick went flying across our car towards our dog then, apparated Harry-Potter-style somewhere in the car.

Hit breaks. Return to our driveway. Unload car. We vacuumed it out like a 1980’s Ghostbusters movie reenactment.

However, let me rewind some more.

Earlier that morning, a different son sat in a living room chair.

“Mom, I found a tick on my leg!” he called out to me. “Okay, what’d you do with it?” He shrugged, “Threw it across the room.”

Hit breaks. Grab vacuum. And with crazy-mom eyes, suck all possible tick life out of every corner.

Virus pandemic. Murder hornets coming our way. A house and car full of ticks. The first week of May, in the year 2020. Yup, that seems about right.

Back to the car…

We finally felt certain the tick was gone, so piled back in and drove to our fishing spot. Breeze shifted by, the sun glistened against the water, and our Goldendoodle fell in the lake. She came back to dry ground with mud up to her chest and an air of pure joy. Of course, this would happen. We’d just cleaned our car – polishing and shining align the stars for events such as these.

The fish must’ve sensed our lack-of-luck and refused to bite. The deeply intertwined mud in our puppy-girl’s hair taunted us as it dried and threatened to become permanent. It just wasn’t fun. So, we cut our fishing trip short, maneuvered our messy dog into our pristine car and highway-ed home. We led our Goldendoodle around the back of the house, straight to the basement shower where we scrubbed and combed and repeated forever.

Our Saturday was meant to be full of family fun.

We were supposed to spend leisurely time at the lake, then take a walk, and finish our afternoon lingering over a meal. Chores were to be ignored – we’d planned accordingly. Instead, we cleaned the living room, detailed the car, and bathed our dog – for hours.

Yet, later that night, as we munched popcorn in front of a movie, one kid declared with enthusiasm that cut through my exhaustion, “Today was fun.”

Today. Was. Fun.

Ticks. More ticks. And a muddy dog. No sandy beach. No roller coasters. No expensive gifts. No perfect moments.

Just our ordinary life and that was good enough. Even deemed fun.

Do you know what our kids really want from us?

They just want us. Our time. Our attention. Our imperfect selves making them help us with cleaning the house, car, and dog.

Plain. Normal. Boring, even.

One of our tweens and teens’ deepest longings is simply this: to be part of a family. Even one with ticks.

And I’m grateful for my imperfect day – just to be reminded of that.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Read the complete “funny mom story” series

Laugh through motherhood with me by reading the complete “funny mom story” series:

Cheryl Donely

www.empoweredmomsandkids.com/

Funny Stories about Parenting: Laugh Your Way Through Raising Tweens & Teens

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(Inside: Funny stories about parenting to help you laugh your way through motherhood. All these stories are based on true experiences of raising tweens and teens.)

You might be parenting teens and/or tweens if you can relate to these stories…

The daughter who talks until the end of time.

Your sweet 11-year-old daughter bursts into the kitchen while you drop spaghetti noodles into boiling water.

“Mom, I had so. much. fun at Joe’s house.” (Your neighbor boy.)

“Joe was bored so we wandered around his house for a bit trying to find something to do.”

Like a freight train at warp speed, your daughter’s words pour out…she describes how she fluffed the living room pillows. (“Joe only has brothers – they don’t notice those kinds of things.”) Then, she continued describing how the living room looked after the fluffing was complete. She does not care that you’ve been to your neighbor’s house a million times before, she’s finishing. her. description. by. goodness.

You nod and “uh-huh” as you listen.

Then she launches into a story of Joe and her deciding what to do

She details the choices they brainstormed and how they whittled down the list. She outlined how they decided to build Legos, whose idea it was, and in great detail explained every… aspect… of…the Lego creation they built. You feel you were with her on every piece selected and snapped into place.

Her voice rises and falls and great dramatic gestures are displayed as you… make dinner, set the table, and call the family to wash up. Your Chatty Cathy briefly pauses as you bless the food (Thank you, Jesus), then continues through the eating of cheesy bread and pasta. A little brother tries to interject but the cutie-pie with chestnut hair gives a stern glare securing her senior position on the floor. 

As you scrape the rest of your plate, you glance at the clock. She’s talked for 40 minutes straight. 

How long was your daughter at Joe’s house?

30 minutes. 

How is that even possible, you wonder? But you’re too scared to ask. That’ll lock you into another 15 minutes for sure…

The tween who discovers the truth about Santa.

“Mom, I don’t think Santa’s real.” your youngest son states.

Your head snaps up. You know you’ve let the believe-in-Santa gig carry on a little too long with your tween, but he’s your youngest kid. He might be ready to give up Santa, but you might not be ready to let him give it up. It’s accepting that you actually are a middle-aged woman and that your children will become adults and move out. (Tears.) You realize your baby (I mean tween) might get teased by his peers for still believing, but that’s a price he just might have to pay to let you hold onto your youth for one. more. day.

In response to your kid’s declaration, you try not to show panic on your face. You breathe deep. You smile. Yes, smiling is good you tell yourself. You also tell yourself I am young because even if it isn’t true it makes you feel good and you deserve to feel good.

“Why don’t you think Santa’s not real?” you cheerfully ask. You expect the how-can-he-visit-billions-of-kids-homes-in-one-night question. You’ve heard that before and you have answers. Or even the how-can-reindeer-fly question. (Easy-peasy – magic words and pixie dust, you’ll say.)

But your kid doesn’t ask that. He says…

“Because all the toys he leaves you can buy on Amazon. And I don’t think he owns the right to reproduce all those exact toys. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.”

Amazon.

Amazon sold you out. If he knows about copyright/patent laws, your son is too old to believe. You’re going to have to drop the Santa-is-in-fact-not-real bomb right then and there.

In protest, you decide to cancel your Amazon subscription. Immediately – because you feel betrayed and annoyed and that you need to start buying that anti-aging cream that costs as much as your car.

But, wait…

Who are you kidding? You can’t cancel Amazon.

You are now Santa and your kid knows it.

Freeze time. Remember how fun your kids were at this age. Read more about this memory book keepsake.

On motivating your tweens & teens to conserve energy at home

Your energy bill makes your eyes bug out. It’s not the cost – that seems about right – it’s the bar chart that compares your energy use with that of your neighbors.

The first bar represents the frugal neighbors’ energy use. Their bar is short and efficient, just like them. This doesn’t bother you, you are no “tree hugger” (but thank goodness for them), so onward.

The second bar shows the “average use” neighbors. Their bar sticks out a solid length in the middle and seems to taunt you just a bit. The mom with one more kid than you down the street can get this right, why can’t you?

Then, there’s you. The sky-high bar declares with zest you and your offspring as inefficient. You stare at your bar. You challenge it to Harry Potter it’s way down to the same height as the “average use” neighbors, but it doesn’t budge.

Then you feel your anger bubble. Deep within you, the rage begins to rise. You love the earth; wasteful living is not your goal. You fume…

What is wrong with my people? Don’t they love the environment? At the very least, don’t they love me, their frugal momma? The retirees can get this right. Even the family with the pool is beating us in efficient-energy-use.

You’re mad…and determined that the planet isn’t going down because of your family. So after church, when your kids just heard an awesome biblical lesson on love and kindness and minding your mother (you might’ve added the last part), you gather them around the lunch table.

“Listen,” you say. “Our energy bill gave us a year-end summary of our efficiency use. All the neighbors are beating us. Like, we’re using waaaaay too much energy. What can we do?” (You’ve learned the skill-set of questioning until your people think that your idea is theirs. You’re ready for this conversation.)

“Take shorter showers,” your kids say.

Yes, you nod. Your kids are so smart. They take after you. You knew you were raising geniuses.

“Spend more time at other’s peoples’ houses so we use their energy,” your kids add on.

No, you shake your kid. Your kids aren’t smart. You graduated Summa Cum Laude from college. How come your kids are so dumb?

Instead of running water, fill the sink 1/3 the way full and use that to scrub off the dishes before they go in the dishwasher. Use cups more than once. Don’t throw all the clothes in the laundry if they aren’t really dirty. You continue with all the ways to be efficient…

You’re feeling hopeful. Your kids are getting this. These are their ideas. They will follow through. They love trees and clean air and animals. They will do their part. They’ll take care of our beautiful, yet fragile earth.

They’re good kids.

And you’re a good mom.

You finish lunch and your kids clean up. They scrub plates and cups and forks just like you explained. You go about your business while your kids finish their chores and exit the kitchen.

Five minutes later you re-enter the empty, clean kitchen to see how your kids faired.

The kitchen sink is still running. Water is slowly coming out in a steady stream with no one in sight to turn it off.

You’ll try again with this same conversation tomorrow.

Your turn: tell your funny stories about parenting

My life is surrounded by tweens and teens. I’m raising three, my friends are collectively raising a billion and I teach high school. From my life (and antics my fellow moms and high school students share with me), these are my stories. (As always – because I love my people, I’m careful with what and how I share their stories. I sometimes change minor details for privacy reasons.)

What are the funny things your tweens/teens have done? Leave your stories in the comments.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teen

Read the complete funny stories about parenting series

Laugh through motherhood with me by reading the complete funny stories about parenting series:

Cheryl Donely

www.empoweredmomsandkids.com/

funny stories about parenting tweens and teens

Funny Parenting Stories: Raising Tweens and Tweens is the Best

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(Inside: Funny parenting stories to make you laugh – or at least feel not alone.)

As I cruised down the long stretch of road, a moment from my son’s recent field trip I’d chaperoned popped into my head. Alone in my car, I laughed out loud. (Some memories are funny only in hindsight).

I love parenting older kids. This season can be incredibly hard, but then these quirky/silly/ridiculous moments cut through your day and the only solution is to laugh. So later, I started jotting down the stories. Because these kinds of moments turn memories sweet. And the sweet moments in parenting are what totally make my day.

Are you also in the trenches of raising tweens/teens? Then, maybe you can relate to these stories too…

When you’re sad your teen is growing up too fast

Seventh grade is over for your son. You can’t even believe it. He’s taller than you, his voice is deep, and you’re so confused.

So as you tuck him into bed (no, you will not give that up even if he can now carry you), you tell him how proud you are of him. You’re proud of his work ethic in school, his curiosity in life, and the good friends he chooses. You tell him you are amazed at his growth and are loving who he is becoming. You hold back tears as you express how much you will miss him when goes away to college in 5 short years.

Then out of the corner of your eye, you catch the left side of the bed. There are about 18 inches between the bed and the wall and there is a pile of trash. Kleenex’s from his latest cold, granola bar wrappers, and LaCroix cans. Then leaning preciously on top of the mountain of trash is one of your nice plates. You lift the plate and as you turn it facing up, you see ants scurrying around licking the last of the butter and cinnamon-sugar toast.

You decide right then and there, YOU JUST MIGHT BE OKAY WHEN HE LEAVES.

Remember how awesome your kids were at this age using this keepsake printable. Read more in the description here.

Hiking with tweens & teens

Your family (3 kids) is hiking in Sequoia National Park (California). There are signs everywhere warning you about bears. “Active bear area!” they say. “Remove your food from your car and put it in these bear safe metal containers!” the signs instruct. “And don’t be a dingbat and hike with food,” they remind us! You pray not to see bears, follow all the food rules, and start your family hike.

Along the trail, what you see brings horror to your eyes. You notice the parents first. They look defeated. Their tween son has challenged them, they fought back hard with all their wise words, but clearly, he won…

Because he’s walking in front of them with – ready for this? – rope-candy around his neck. The stretchy, taffy sugar winds in a rope and hangs on each side of his chest. He lifts the sweetness and munches as he walks. He ignores all signs. He is the dingbat.

You march by with your three tweens/teens. Out of your family, someone says, “Whew, I’m so glad that kid is around. We FOR SURE won’t be attacked by a bear because that kid’s a goner.”

{A little later}

You’re hiking up rocks past an open field. The family in front tells you to keep watching the field to your right – a bear’s been sighted, if your lucky you’ll see it.

You tweens/teens are thrilled. They ask to borrow your good camera to look through the long lens for the bear. They hope one comes, they want a picture, they will ignore all of your shouts to run. They have become the dingbats. And they pray earnestly to see a bear.

You pray not to.

You also for the kid with the rope candy. And his parents. Because they really tried and they don’t deserve a stare-down with a bear. Parenting tweens is hard

A school field trip with your tween

Your tween son whines that you never volunteer at school. All the 5th-grade moms show up at some point. These super-moms help with reading groups, stop in to eat lunch with their cherubs, organize school parties, and of course, attend all the field trips. Your tween urges you to go on the next field trip. “The museum will be fun!” he says. “Please come,” he pleads multiple times over two weeks.

“Okay,” you relent.

You take off work. You work extra to get ahead so you’ll enjoy the day off. You pack your brown bag lunch. You pack his. You get to the school early and follow the bus to the museum (because all the parents can’t ride the bus and your name wasn’t drawn to go with the group.) You drive to downtown Minneapolis. You park in a ramp. You pay $35 for 4 hours. You walk the blocks to the museum carrying your lunch, your kid’s lunch, and your purse. You huff it because you know the bus dropped the kids off right in front and now you’re going to miss the “About Minnesota” introductory video. You enter in the front gate proud that you sacrificed a personal day, found a place to park downtown, navigated the tricky streets to find the museum, and made it before the movie started.

Your tween smiles when he sees you, waves you over, steps close to your ear and whispers…

“Mom, don’t embarrass me.”

And I think that’s what they call irony.

Your turn: tell your funny parenting stories

What are the funny things your tweens/teens have done? Or what silly or sweet moments about this life’s chapter do you what to remember? As a mom, what memories make your day? Leave your stories in the comments or email me directly.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

Your brain bounces between your day at work, what time(s) your kids need to be at practice, your teen’s missing school assignments, that you haven’t called your mom lately, the load of laundry needing to be switched, “What’s for dinner?” and “Why are 3 of my brain-tabs frozen?”

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Yes, I want all of the Freebies!

Read the complete funny parenting stories series

Laugh through motherhood with me by reading the complete funny parenting stories series:

PS – It should be noted that because I love my people, I’m careful with when and how I share their stories. Stories are not just mine, but sometimes friends, and sometimes slight changes to insignificant parts are changed so they’ll keep being my friend. 😉

Cheryl Donely

www.empoweredmomsandkids.com/

It’s Good to be a Mom in Control of My Life, Well, 50% of the Time (Parenting Humor)

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A mom in control of my life, well, 50% of the time. Humor and parenting: moms want to be in control, but we just aren’t always.

Moms, Do You also Survive on Fairy Tale Hope?

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Fairy Tale Hope – have you been there too? I am a mom who survives because of fairy tale hope. Do you know what I mean? Read on…

Parenting Humor

When you cannot nail the cool parent role

Except…

Turns out your kid doesn’t want you to be the “cool parent,” he just wants you to be a parent.

The moment you officially become a mom (It’s not what you think.)

Now, you realize every other parent has a van. People with vans are nice. People with vans have college degrees.

Everywhere you go, they want to bring friends. Like, multiple friends. But you don’t hate this idea because you learn so much from the car-ride chatter.

Your turn: tell your stories full of parenting humor

Join our community of moms raising tweens and teens

Read more in the parenting humor series

My husband, three sons, and I stood army-stance, hands-on-hips, staring at our van.

A few minutes ago, we’d been backing out of our driveway.

Earlier that morning, a different son sat in a living room chair.

Back to the car…

Our Saturday was meant to be full of family fun.

Yet, later that night, as we munched popcorn in front of a movie, one kid declared with enthusiasm that cut through my exhaustion, “Today was fun.”

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

Read the complete “funny mom story” series

The daughter who talks until the end of time.

Then she launches into a story of Joe and her deciding what to do

The tween who discovers the truth about Santa.

On motivating your tweens & teens to conserve energy at home

Your turn: tell your funny stories about parenting

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teen

Read the complete funny stories about parenting series

When you’re sad your teen is growing up too fast

Hiking with tweens & teens

A school field trip with your tween

Your turn: tell your funny parenting stories

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

Read the complete funny parenting stories series