(Inside: I want to be a confident mom – we all do. No one wants to feel like they have no confidence as a mother. Exposing these lies can help us walk in confidence.)
I have noticed a few lies we sometimes embrace as truths.
I have noticed them in conversations, in our actions, and in my own thoughts. These lies grow like weeds in our lives chocking out our self-confidence.
But, I want to be a confident mom. So, just like how I get on my hands and knees and pull out the thistles from my strawberry patch, I’m calling out these five lies:
1. Everyone has to get us.
It’s really nice when people get us and the decisions we make. It’s lovely to receive validation and approval. But is that always realistic? I don’t always get why people make the decisions they do. I don’t get why someone would climb Mount Everest (don’t they realize there are freezing temperatures and low oxygen?); or why our beloved neighbors moved three hours away (something to do with a better job, but whatever – I don’t want to hear it).
But here is the exciting thing about people: different things in life capture our attention, move us, and motivate us in unique ways. So, of course, we will all make distinct decisions that suit us best.
Sometimes not getting each other doesn’t mean we don’t love and support each other, it just means we would do it differently. And different can be good.
2. Worry means we are doing something.
I’m a champion at worrying. Why? If I worry really hard about something out of my control, then it makes me feel like I am doing something to fix the situation. But in our hearts, we all know this isn’t true.
I mean really, do we ever encourage each other with, “Well, why don’t you worry a little more about that?” Instead, we say things like, “Let’s pray,” “Let’s hope,” “Let’s have faith,” but never, “Let’s worry.” Worry really is futile.
3. We always have to explain ourselves.
When we say no (especially if we feel like we are letting someone down), we tend to start explaining. We might dive into every aspect of our decision including our family circumstances – which are undoubtedly leading us to say no in this situation; our childhood – which might or might not have something to do with the no, but we go there anyway; and what we had for breakfast – which might seem important too because it fills the uncomfortable silence.
But here’s the thing: people respect a solid no. They have said no themselves before. It’s okay to say, “You know, I thought about it, and it just doesn’t work for me right now. Thanks for asking.” Less can be more.
4. Adding one more commitment is no big deal.
It actually can be a big deal. Can you put the time and energy into the new commitment that it deserves? Will it take away from family time, current commitments, and important things in your life?
We live life once. I am all about living big and not missing out on opportunities to contribute our talents, but there are only so many hours in a day and we only have so much energy. We quickly say yes because we feel obligated, rather than considering if it is best.
Being busy does not always mean we are more successful. Sometimes it just means we are more tired. It’s okay to turn down additional commitments.
5. We should always follow the formula.
Sometimes following the formula we see others embrace to achieve success is helpful. We can be grateful for the people who have shown us how to get where we want to be. Learning from people ahead of us is good and certainly, formulas can be great starting points.
However, doing something completely in our own way can be good too. You don’t have to follow the same career path as your colleagues, or parent the same as your friend…you get the idea. Don’t be afraid to listen to that feeling you get deep in your gut that tells you to do it your way.
Who knows, your actions just might inspire someone else to choose their own path.
Knowing that these five lies help me better be a confident mom.
Yes, sometimes these lies work for us, like saying yes to watching your parent’s dog while they are actually taking time away to vacation. But, when we think of these 5 statements as absolutes, it can cause us stress and make us hesitate to do what we know our heart telling us is best.
In our conversation, action, and thoughts, let’s know this truth: we are capable of making good decisions and being resourceful, discerning, and wise. When we need to, let’s call out the list, embrace the truths, and move forward with confidence.
Be a more confident mom by reading the whole “Confidence to be You” Series
Continue to build your confidence in the awesome momma you are through reading more articles in this series.
Confidence to be You Series:
4 Things You Need to Be a Strong, Joy-Filled Mother
How to Silence Negative Automatic Thoughts
Be a More Confident Mom By Exposing These 5 Lies
Momma Knows Best: A Quick Story to Help You Know This
What is Your Story: How Your Story Gives Life
Momma, Should You Write? (Or Start a Blog?)
Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens
You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.
You are parenting tweens and teens.
It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.
I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community below.
Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.