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Empowered Moms and Kids

Why Your Kids’ Weaknesses are also Strengths

Do you ever get frustrated with parenting?  Then you let someone make you feel even worse?

I’d seen a television show advertised that boasted a new revolutionary way to parent.  Me – Me – I’m totally in! I’m in need of a new idea or two. So, I flipped on the television in hopes of finding a little magic. Instead…

I found big feelings of inadequacy.

I assume the show was trying to empower moms, but somehow it went awry. 

They host and author of the book raved about the success of this new way of parenting and sold it with such enthusiasm and authority, it made me feel like I was doing it all wrong.  The problem is, I wasn’t really sure what they were preaching. The parenting ideas were vague and only explained in theory, with no real what-do-when-your-child-throws-a-huge-tantrum-in-the-cereal-isle solutions.  

Here’s the message I heard: If kids still need work on areas of their lives, parents aren’t “enlightened” enough, so in short – big losers.

Yeah…uhmmm…my kids need work.

I need work.

And I don’t even understand how to be the “enlightened mom” they’re preaching. (And who’s in charge of enlightenment – whose standards am I trying to live up to?) So cue all the feelings of emptiness and discouragement.

So, to make myself feel better, I went straight to being judgmental.

The host, though seemingly brilliant, didn’t have children. I’m done with you. 

And the author of the book, she had one daughter.  I am going to give her the tougher parenting job award for the preteen and teenage years, but has she ever hung out with my always-in-motion boys? Once she’s done with a grocery store run with my three little warriors, I just might listen – but only AFTER that experience for her.

weaknesses are strengths
Be inspired in more ways than seeing your kids’ weaknesses are strengths. Join our community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE.

These judgmental thoughts weren’t getting me anywhere, so I moved onto whining to my close friends. (This show really had an impact on me!)

Thankfully, that unhealthy response worked. One of my good friends replied, “Sometimes what parents see as weaknesses in our children, can actually be strengths.”

My heart stilled as I focused on what she was saying.

My friend elaborated with this example: “Children that we might wish shared their emotions more or are more outwardly empathetic to others….well, we need first responders that don’t carry their emotions on their sleeve and can calmly assess a crisis situation and be healing hands for the hurt.”

Our children’s weaknesses are also their strengths. Hmm.

A whiny child might turn her drama into the role of a wonderful, charismatic teacher who can capture her students’ attention and inspire them to be great learners.

That child who lets everyone know he hates to lose might use his drive to lead a successful company, blessing all his employees and their families.

The strong-willed kids who challenge their parents might use that will-of-steal to NOT give up when others do.  He might be the one to invent, discover, or cure diseases.

So, yes, I can see that: our children’s weaknesses can transform into some of their greatest strengths as they learn and grow and mature. 

Now that felt encouraging. And manageable.

I can focus on not being so critical of my kids’ weaknesses; instead, I can see them as areas of strength that simply need to be nurtured. Asking myself these two questions seems like a good place to start…

1. How can I affirm the good aspect of this quality, while teaching him that his expression of could be better?

For example, the son who is freaking out because he lost at Uno three times in a row, and stomping around the house like a raging dinosaur, I can:

First, help him to calm down.

He sits in his room until the high emotions have settled.

Next, Affirm his strength.

I can praise his passion to win, but also talk about other areas he could focus on “winning” that would greatly benefit him. (Spelling tests. Cleaning up the toys the fastest. Running the fastest in PE.)

Lastly, help him make the wrong right.

If he’s name-called brothers or thrown toys in his rage, then we need to make that situation right. Apologize. Pick up the toys. Do something nice for the brother you were mean to. What is the natural consequence of his poor behavior, and the appropriate action to show that your sorry and want reconciliation?

2. What activity can I sign my kid up for that will help shape the negative aspect of this quality into a positive one?

There are so many great activities to sign our kids up for that will help shape their weaknesses into strenths. For example,

  • The kid in trouble for constantly taking his brothers down kid, ding-ding-ding…you just won a spot on the wrestling team!
  • Overemotional kids, wahoo…acting class or dance lessons, let’s express those emotions there.
  • Quiet, unemotional teen…look what I found online, a Certified Nursing Assistant class or an Emergency Medical Responder class – let’s check that out!
  • Bossy kid…guess what, I just signed you up to work in the younger kids class at church. Let’s work on those leadership skills.

Parents – we know our gig is hard…so we never need to let anyone make us feel bad.

We can ignore the voices that don’t make sense for our world. Because we’re smart people. We know when we’ve found the right resources our families need to shape negative traits into powerful tricks.
 
Keep moving forward, strong mommas – we got this. Together.
Do you want more thoughts on this topic?
To Empower Parents:  Read how Craig Ballantyne turned  3 weaknesses into strengths. 
To Empower Kids: Watch this one-minute inspirational story with your kids. Ask them how they can apply this idea to their own lives?

We don’t only want to raise happy kids, we want to build character in our kids.

More than my kids being super successful or achieving accolades, I want my kids to be people of character – kind, loving, loyal, compassionate, empathetic, faith-filled, and integrity-driven.  I’m not trying to raise perfect kids (not possible!), but I do hope my kids have an internal compass that steers them to lead a life of integrity. And while they are still in my home, I’m going to try to lead them there.

I hope you both enjoy the full “raise kids of character” series and find it helpful.

Raise Kids of Character Series

FAMILY CONNECTION ACTIVITIES
A Family Connection Activity to Help You Raise Happy Kids

INSPIRING ARTICLES
Why Your Kids Weaknesses are Also Strengths 

weaknesss are atrengths
Be inspired in more ways than seeing your kids’ weaknesses are strengths. Join our community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are. 

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time. 

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community here or below. 

parenting tweens and teens
Cheryl Donely

Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.

Tags: imperfectly thrive in parenting, kids with character, Parenting

18 comments

  • bluecottonmemory September 12, 2014 at 11:48 am Reply

    Do boys ever STOP wrestling? LOL – I used to say we could never be invited to the Oval Office because they would end up wrestling on the floor! I also think that mothers with only daughters – or only one child – don't understand boys – or the multiple birth order character traits. I remember the 6 years when I just had one. Boy – did he make me look like a good parent – and that was because he was an only – first-born personality.

    I love what your friend shared with you. I so agree – every "gift" has a two-edged sword – and we as parents need to help our boys sharpen the strength of that sword edge. There are a couple of books that really helped me understand these boys – one was Don and Katie Fortune's Spiritual gift books about kids and one about couples (helps understand better how gifts communicate), The Five Love Languages – and a really good book on birth order personalities.

    Don't you feel like being a mom is like being in college in a doctoral program? I think we all need (especially moms with 3 sons + – no girls allowed) to be awarded honorary doctorates! LOL

    You are doing great, Mom! Keep it up!

  • jviola79 September 12, 2014 at 6:32 pm Reply

    Wonderful insight. I remember when one of my children was younger & described as stubborn to a fault. It made me work to mold that trait into something positive. She is now a grown woman who never gives up, always persists & helps so many others. It is a wise mom who can help mold even negative traits into something beautiful. Visiting this afternoon from Fellowship Fridays.

  • Abi Craig September 13, 2014 at 8:00 pm Reply

    Thanks for the reminder – "God is working on my kids in ways that I sometimes don't always understand and that no parenting book has all the answers." Often hard to realize that weaknesses have a side of strength to them. Parenting is so much more about God than us! (Visiting from Fellowship Friday)

  • sinceibecameamom September 13, 2014 at 11:12 pm Reply

    I love reading all your thoughts. Thanks so much for the book recommendations and encouragement!

  • sinceibecameamom September 13, 2014 at 11:13 pm Reply

    Love everything you said in this comment! Thank you! My heart is encouraged!

  • sinceibecameamom September 13, 2014 at 11:14 pm Reply

    Love what you said about "parenting is so much more about God than us!" I agree! I loved reading your comment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  • Jennifer - The Deliberate Mom September 14, 2014 at 9:28 pm Reply

    I love this and I once wrote about "characteristics in children that are given a bad rap" – so I really agree with your friend! Praise God for those people in our lives… the ones who talk us down from our misguided notions.

    Thank you so much for sharing this at my #Blirthdaybash. I'm delighted that you took the time to celebrate with me.

    Wishing you a lovely week.
    xoxo

  • Susannah September 14, 2014 at 11:41 pm Reply

    I just LOVE that the body of Christ can encourage one another like this. Your friend sounds like such a wise woman! Your boys are lucky to have you as their mom. Thanks for linking this up with the Faith and Fellowship blog hop! 🙂

  • Leesha September 15, 2014 at 3:31 pm Reply

    As a mom of three girls I have to say my parenting feels inadequate all the time. Meeting the needs of three completely difference personalities can be difficult to say the least.. and I loose my cool way too often. 🙂

    I am a new follower of your blog 🙂

  • Candice Wilkinson September 15, 2014 at 4:48 pm Reply

    Your friend is so right! I live a life where I have to foster my child's weakness so she can do basic childhood things like walk, talk, and learn. Our society focuses too much on the perfect child and does not focus enough on how weakness become strengths. Also studies show that rough housing is part of how boys deal with there emotions. That boys need movement to learn.

  • normaleverydaylife September 15, 2014 at 10:13 pm Reply

    Feeling inadequate as a mom can strike from so many different places. I used to think the "every child is different" line was a cop out, but after five kids I KNOW every child is different. Ultimately, we have to take all parenting advice and filter it through our own situations and parenting goals to see if it fits. Good for you for getting some different perspectives! Thanks for linking up to Motivational Monday!

  • sinceibecameamom September 16, 2014 at 12:02 pm Reply

    I enjoyed reading your comment and thanks for letting me link up!

  • sinceibecameamom September 16, 2014 at 12:03 pm Reply

    Thanks, Susannah! And thanks for letting me link up!

  • sinceibecameamom September 16, 2014 at 12:03 pm Reply

    Yay! Thanks for following my blog. I am excited to check out yours!

  • sinceibecameamom September 16, 2014 at 12:04 pm Reply

    Loved your thoughts and thanks for letting me link up!

  • sinceibecameamom September 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm Reply

    Candice, thanks for the comment and sharing a piece of your story with me. I will look forward to reading your blog!

  • S.L. Payne September 16, 2014 at 9:08 pm Reply

    Great thoughts! I don't think there is one size fits all parenting since kids are so different- even my three rough and tumble boys need very different things from me since their personalities are so different (although they share the need to wrestle!). The difference between boys and girls is so different too; my foster daughter immediately kissed her doll we gave her for her first birthday and none of my boys has ever done that 🙂 They all keep me on my toes and trying to help guide them with their particular gifts is difficult and I am so thankful for the wisdom that God gives us in that! Thanks for sharing!
    -S.L. Payne, uncommongrace.net

  • sinceibecameamom September 18, 2014 at 4:58 am Reply

    S.L. Payne, I loved reading your thoughts and perspective. Thanks for commenting on my post!

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