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4 Things You Need to Be a Strong, Joy-Filled Mother

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(Inside: How to be a strong, joy-filled mother. Moms, paying attention to these aspects of life will help you be a happy mom and strong mom.)

This blog post contains affiliate links.

The teenage girl paused before my desk near my high school classroom. She exhaled while flexing her hands in stretching motions several times before plopping down in the chair next to me. I felt her anxiety before she even said a word – she was positive she tanked her math test.

“You have an A in math, what makes you think you epically crashed,” I invited her thoughts out. We continued to untangle her tension and point it in a productive direction. As she walked away with renewed confidence, I silently thanked the AP Psychology teacher and school counselor I’d worked so closely with for the tools they taught me.

Three years ago, my desk moved near these inspirational psychology people. If you’ve never, on a daily basis, sat near experts who understand human behavior  – let me tell you, the conversation is interesting.

I found myself saying things like, “Ugh…I’m annoyed about such-and-such” then leaning in and asking, “What do you think that REALLY means about me?” (wink-wink)

Except I was totally serious.

Free therapy? Yes, please.

My new coworkers taught me the value of applying science-based-human-behavior research in the teaching field.

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Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE.

Taking this further, I also wondered about the psychology behind family life and motherhood. A goal of mine is to be a strong, joy-filled mom; I wanted to know what science advised me to do to be strong and happy.

So as I looked around trying to find a magic checklist of how to be a strong, joy-filled momma, I came across Emily Esfahani Smith’s work. Instead of finding a to-do list, I found four areas of life to pay attention to…

  1. belonging,
  2. purpose
  3. faith
  4. storytelling


In Emily Esfahani Smith’s research on what makes people happy, she found these four pillars of a meaningful life to be vital. She explains more in her Ted Talk below.

But, happiness is not reserved for when we “arrive” at these four pillars,  joy arises in our journey along the way to becoming a strong, joy-filled mother.

We’ll never totally check each pillar off our list; instead, we’ll find joy in our journey as we nurture each of the four pillars Emily Esfahani Smith talks about in her research. Let me explain more about how this can unfold in ordinary mom life…

1. Be a strong, joy-filled mother through creating belonging in your home.

Some of my best childhood memories are around the dinner table. As I dipped my bread into my bean soup, I felt valued, listened to, and as if I belonged. And the laughter? My sister turned the events of her day into hilarious stories. Consistently. One time I laughed so hard a bean flew out of my mouth into my dad’s soup. And he still ate it. Oh, my disgusting.

How lovely it is to create a home where everyone belongs. When the front door creaks open, backpacks are dumped, shoes kicked off and cell phones plugged back in, instantly parents and kids all feel embraced. 

How are we, as moms, paying attention to creating family belonging?

It can be done in so many ways: car rides, dinner time, tuck-ins, board games, and even trips to Target. The point is in the mundane, we connect as a family. We create a place every loves to come home to, especially us.

One way to create belonging:

If you’re looking for an idea, I created a family devotional that does just that. It’s so simple. At the beginning of the week, you read the Bible verse and short paragraph challenging the reader to see God in his/her everyday life. Then throughout the week, you share how God revealed Himself to you. It can be done during car rides, dinner time, tuck-ins, board games, and even trips to Target.

I’d love to share it with you – grab the FREE family devotional below.

Grab the free ebook HERE.

2. Be a strong, joy-filled mother through exploring your purpose

With all of my heart, I believe you have a divine purpose on this earth. But, not in an anxiety-inducing-try-to-find-your-needle-in-a-haystack-singular-purpose way. Nope. None of that.  Instead, in a Hmmm, how can I get curious about using my gifts to be the hands and feet of Jesus? sort of way. 

The way Bob Goff explains God’s perfect plan for your life resonates with me. He says:

“I think God’s hope and plan for us is pretty simple to figure out. For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions, and your interests together with what God said He wants us to be about, and that’s your answer.” Bob Goff, Love Does

Then, the secret to joy is not when you arrive at your purpose, but through your experiences in the journey along the way. Do you want to explore this idea more?

If you’re not sure of your next right step, I teach the section of a course over at Extravagant Hope on how to find direction when God is silent. The full course also includes my Extravagant Hope colleagues’ teachings on:

  1. What to do when God says, “Go.” (Pastor Lori)
  2. What to do when God says, “No.” (Mendie)
  3. What to do when you’re just not sure. (Me)


The course is full of wisdom and completely FREE! Get a sneak peek of the section I teach in the video below.  Then click on the below button to get instant access to the whole course!

Yes, I want the FREE eCourse!

3. Be a strong, joy-filled mother through growing your faith

I’ve tried to do life on my own merit. I’ve independently moved forward (neglecting my faith), then crashed and burned. My teaching job was cut (student numbers were down); I experienced a second miscarriage; I landed in a deep pit. It took me two years to claw my way out of that valley, and that healing didn’t really begin until I started to believe God’s truths.

You all – I am convinced that happiness doesn’t depend on circumstances – it depends on knowing the Living God and believing that there is more to life than the current pain and sorrow.

One way to learn to hear God’s voice in your life is, to calm your anxiety, and find peace is through Christian meditation.

I created a mini-eBook that walks you through:

  • Calming your busy mind to focus on the present.
  • Meditation on God’s truths. (Over-riding your negative self-talk)
  • Prayer
  • Listening to God’s stirring in your heart.
  • Grab the eBook below or read more about how Christian meditation works here. 

Another way to learn to hear God’s voice in your life is by learning to notice the burning bushes all around you.

They crackle hues of orange and yellow and remind us that God reveals himself every day to us through motherhood. Read my full series on growing your faith through ordinary mom life here:

FAITH
Growing Your Faith: Imperfect Faith is STILL Faith
Momma, is God in More Control of Your Life Than You Think?
This is How I Hear God Speak Through Motherhood

EVERYDAY JOY
Mommas, Increase Your Happiness in the Chaos
Tired Parents, You are Beautifully Exhausted
A Miracle Happen Every Day: Do You See It?
In 5 Minutes I Was Reminded of the Joy of Being a Mother

4. Be a strong, joy-filled mother through storytelling

We all are writing a story through our lives. I use this fourth pillar as a question: Do I like the story my life is telling?

  • If the answer is yes, I keep going.
  • If it’s no, the God of second (and hundredth!) chances can help me rewrite and change the story of my life, whether it’s through new behaviors, changed circumstances, or renewed perspective.

One way to evaluate the story your life is telling

There is a reason journaling is so popular – it’s an excellent way to sort through your thoughts and visually see your story in front of you.

I’m a little ridiculous when I pick out a journal. The paper has to be the right thickness, it has to open just right and I need pens that feel good in my hand. Here are some fun journals if you looking to start…

Be a strong mother, be a joy-filled mom

Mommas, we will continue to stumble into moments where we exhale deeply, clenching, and unclenching our hands, sure that we failed “the test.” Not a math test though…a parenting moment, a relationship nose dive, a feels-like-it-tanked purpose…  

But, I promise you, we’ll find our footing again.

We find the people we belong with, walk our purpose, build our faith, and continue to write (or rewrite) our story. We renew our confidence and keep moving forward. Because we’re strong moms – and our joy doesn’t depend on our circumstances. We will find it in our journey, I promise you.|


Keep going, warrior momma – you were called with a holy calling for the exact life you are living.

 

 

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are. 

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time. 

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community below. 

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Confidence to Be You Series

You are created exactly as you are and this world needs you. Read more in the Confidence To Be You series here:

How to Silence Negative Automatic Thoughts
Be a More Confident Mom By Exposing These 5 Lies
Momma Knows Best: A Quick Story to Help You Know This
What is Your Story: How Sharing Your Story Gives Life

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Momma, Should You Write? (Or Start a Blog?)

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(Inside: Should you start a blog? Should you write? Read my journey of starting a blog and get tips that will help you start writing and blogging with confidence.)

 

 

“I want to be a writer.”

 

I gently rocked my nursing son (middle child) in the middle of the night. That’s the exact moment the writer-thought popped into my head.

 

Which is slightly surprising given that I’m a high school math teacher. Graphing parabolas? Easy-peezy. Word problems? Tell about which direction that train is going and at what speed. But, writing…I mean…being serious about writing? Well, this direction is new. 

 

So here I was – in the narcoleptic-tired mom state, sitting in a rocker crammed in our small townhome’s hallway (the only spot upstairs to nurse with the light on and not disturb my sleeping husband and toddler), with a math degree in my back pocket, making this decision.

 

Life is weird.

 

But life is also full of life-enriching surprises. I’ve loved writing for Empowered Moms and Kids. (I also write at Extravagant Hope). I’ve been published on Huffington Post and Today Parents. Writing also ties well with my side-gig of speaking at moms groups and church groups. (Speaking I always knew I wanted to do.)

 

It’s brought out a creative side I didn’t realize I had, grown my perspective, and stretched me in healthy ways. Writing has helped me connect deeper with people who share openly with me after they’ve read something I’d written. It’s landed me in circles I never thought I’d be in but am a better person because of it. (Like, my writing group!) Writing hasn’t disappointed.

 

What about you? Do you have an inkling in your heart to put words on paper? Your story. Your perspective. Do you want to get it out there? You’re not alone, there’s a whole tribe of women writers who are thriving and there’s room for you at the table. If you’re thinking, “Should I write?” follow my journey and see if writing is for you.

 

**This blog post contains both Amazon affiliate links and course affiliate links.**

 

Take up reading. (If you haven’t already.)

When I rocked my nursing baby at o’dark hundred deciding I wanted to write – I knew it wasn’t going to happen just then. I didn’t have the time (or desire) to maintain a blog, plus I didn’t even know what I wanted to write about. So, I decided my author-starting-place would be with rekindling my love of reading. I figured this was the best way to brush up on grammar, sentence structure, plot, and storyline. (Plus, this would help me stay awake while I nursed in the middle of the night. And in the morning. And in the afternoon. Brain fog..all…the…time…)

 

So, I went to the library and wiped the recommended book table clean. And every chance I got I read, read, read…

 

In it, I stumbled across Jen Hatmaker’s Out of the Spin Cycle and howled! Brilliant and hilarious, I felt like I’d just hung out with a friend who was available at 11 pm. 1 am. 3 am. And again at 5 am. That’s the genre I decided I wanted to write: empowering lessons learned from life.

 

What I’d recommend:
  • Buy the books instead of checking them out from the library so you can underline interesting ways authors string words together, make notes and study writing styles. (But I couldn’t afford that and if you can’t, I get you.)
  • Keep a journal/notebook/app to write down all the interesting ways authors string words together as you read. It gives you a nice place to look at creative ways of wording when you do start to write.

 

 


 

Practice Writing

In the 5 years of reading and deciding my genre (with writing in the back of my mind) and raising 3 small kids, I decided I wanted to start a blog – nothing fancy, just for practice.

So, I  started a free blog on Blogger, simply to post pictures and write a few things for my family to see. Nothing else. No stress. My sister and cousin both maintained a family blog, so we’d check out each others’ pages and comment – I loved it. It reinforced that I like to write.

Next, I was involved in MOPS and they had a small magazine called MomSense. (Now, called Hello Darling.) So, I submitted two articles, one about friendships and the other about exercise. MomSense published both of them. Like, IN PRINT. I couldn’t believe it – it felt like more confirmation to move forward.

I also wrote for the small newsletter our MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers) group printed. It was the Leadership team contributing fun articles, recipes, life-hacks, and making copies in the church office, but still, it felt great. I liked coming up with interesting articles that encouraged our group.

If I were to go back to this phase of practice writing, I’d do some things the same and some things differently.

What I’d recommend:
  • I would take Suzi from Start a Mom Blog’s course on how to start a blog called Blog By Number. It’s a great way to start thinking about where to take your writing, especially if you are not sure, it’s totally worth the investment. You learn:
    • different blog types
    • choosing a blog name
    • ways to make money
    • the technical part of setting up the site.
    • And much more!
  • If you’re all in on this blogging thing, I’d skip the Blog by Number course and buy ALL of Start a Mom Blog’s courses in this VIP Bundle. I absolutely think it’s worth it!
  • Find places to write:
    • Guest post on blogs like Mom Life Happy Life.  To post on Mom Life Happy Life, you need to take this $9 course that teaches you how.
    • Can you write for your mom-group newsletter, somewhere in your job, send out the emails for your kid’s school PTO group?
    • Publish your writing as a post on Facebook. Get a feel for how you liked that and what the reaction was.

 

 

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE. 

 

 

Connect with other writers

In a stroke of luck, I met a mom on my son’s kindergarten field trip who wrote a novel. (Just for fun, it wasn’t published.) She was forming a writing group (read more here) and I was in. We all write completely different genres, but it enriches our group in infinite measure. Once a month, we’d read each other’s work, give honest feedback (even when it was hard!) and cheer each other on.

One of the writers in our group, Dylann Crush, just published her first romance novel. She did it the hard way, submitted her writing to a billion different agents until a New York agent took her (yay!), and then nothing happened.  (More sending out transcripts. We’re a couple of years into this process now.) A California agent took her on board and the rest is history. You can buy her book at Walmart and Barnes & Noble people…it’s cray-cray. Dreams do come true.

What I’d recommend:
  • Find friends who want to start a writing group with you. Even if it’s just one friend, the time away to talk and learn is immeasurably helpful.
  • Sometimes this doesn’t work, don’t be discouraged. Check out some online writing groups – or skip this piece, it’s not a must, but a really nice bonus if it does work out.

 

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Get serious (Should I write? YES!)

Okay, I’d read, started a practice blog, and had my team in a 5-year span. I knew I wanted to write about so it was time to get serious. I started a free blog called Since I Became a Mom and wrote for another 5 years in it. I experienced success but felt I needed to put some money into learning the “business” aspect of blogging. What a game-changer that was for me.

 

Take some blogging courses. (Totally worth it!)

 

Kelly Holmes from Sticky Blogging Courses:

I love Kelly’s style of teaching. She does all the research for you and gives you the main points you need to apply to your blog. Her courses you will enjoy, even in your busy-no-real-time-for-it life.

Sticky Blogging – This course teaches you how to create content that will keep people coming back to your page. It’s a game-changer. This is the number one course I’d recommend!

SEO Optimization – Everyone hates SEO. (Please, google, just let me write a blog post and you show it to everyone. Okay? Okay. Bye-bye, now.) But, you gotta learn it. Kelly teaches specifically how to make SEO work with your blog. It’s incredibly helpful. She’s offering this now with big bonuses if you sign up ASAP.

Course by Number – Offer courses from your blog.

 

Suzi from Start a Mom Blog Courses:

I really like Suzi, she’s so real. She says things like “Get over being perfect and be real. Hit publish, you can make an impact without being 100% polished.” That girl speaks to my heart. If I had to do it again, I would pay the money for Suzi’s VIP bundle with ALL of her courses. But, since I learned as I went, I bought:

Other amazing courses she offers:

Start your blog right!

Like I mentioned before, I blogged for free on Blogger as Since I Became a Mom for almost 5 years. (If you’re keeping track – 5 years reading/practicing, 5 years writing Since I Became a Mom on Blogger…I’m a decade in now.) The free blog site had limitations and I didn’t like my blog name anymore. After learning so much from the courses, I knew I needed to transfer my blog to a self-hosted WordPress site. (I did lots of research on this, save yourself time and just go with it.)

Here are the steps:

1. Buy a domain name from GoDaddy.com
2. Set up a hosting site that holds your blog with SiteGround. (They have the BEST free live tech support!) Then SiteGround will help you set up your self-hosted WordPress site.

(Again, I would recommend the Blog By Number course. It will save you so much time…and pain.)

 

What I’d recommend:
  • Spend money on some courses – you won’t regret it!
  • Start your blog right – set up a self-hosted Word Press site. You can easily walk away if it’s not for you, but transferring a blog…what a pain!

 

Share

This is the equally fun and hard part. My heart raced the first time I hit “share” on Facebook. I waited for the laughter. (What is the math teacher doing with words?) But, I received the opposite. People showed encouragement and support. So much support! I even got speaking gigs out of blogging. My adventure has been good. No…it’s been great.

What I’d recommend:
  • Set up your social media sites and share on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (I don’t do Snapchat.)
  • Focus on Pinterest. It’s a popular search engine that will keep your blog posts relevant. Sign up for Tailwind to schedule posts and save yourself tons of time!
  • Share, share, share!
  • Then promise me this, don’t worry about likes or numbers – you can’t, it just isn’t worth it. If you enjoy writing, just write and share. The end.

 

I’m way past the nursing babies stage, but I’m never past the dreaming stage. I don’t know where my writing will take me, but it’s all okay – because this writing journey…it’s worth it. And if you’re still wondering if you should write, I say, yes! FOR SURE YES! Writing will enrich your life in ways you’d never expect. I challenge you – share your story too and see where it takes you…

 

Writing will enrich your life in ways you'd never expect. I challenge you - share your story too and see where it takes you... Read on... #writers #bloggers #authors #moms Click To Tweet

 

 

should you start a blog

 

 

Continue to build your confidence to write and share your words through reading the full “Confidence to be You” Series

Confidence to be You Series:
4 Things You Need to Be a Strong, Joy-Filled Mother
How to Silence Negative Automatic Thoughts
Be a More Confident Mom By Exposing These 5 Lies

 

 

No one can tell your story, so tell it yourself. No one can write your story, so write it yourself. (Unknown) Read on... #writers #bloggers #moms #authors #dreamers Click To Tweet

 

 

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens.

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are.

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community below.

gifts for moms