humor Archives - Empowered Moms and Kids

(Inside: Parenting humor and stories you’ll love. Parenting is hard and amazing and crazy and funny. Sometimes, you gotta love laugh.)

You might be parenting teens and/or tweens if you can relate to these stories…

When you cannot nail the cool parent role

“Sure,” you tell your teenage son you can pick up his friend and take him to lacrosse practice.

You haven’t met this friend yet, but it’ll be fun to get to know a new friend of your teenage son. This car ride’s going to be great, after all, you’re good with people. Daily, you’re awesome at connecting with coworkers, even the quirky ones. You’ve always had pizazz and people skills – the center of attention, you can pull off. Everyone likes you, and you like everyone.

So, you pick up your friend’s kid. He lives in the cutest old home out in the country. You admire his home and chat about the chicken coup you spied. You asked him about what his parents do. One is a pilot but rebuilds a car on the side. That’s what’s in the old shed, he nods at. “Wow!,” you exclaim, “Tell me more about that…”

He gives short teenage responses. But, it’s all good because you are on top of this conversation. After all, you’re great with people. You ask great questions. And when there’s a lull you tell great jokes.

Joke.

Joke.

Joke.

You are Chandelier Bing.

Except…

You are Chandelier Bing…

You drop your son and his friend off at the high school feeling good about yourself. Man, momma, you nailed that car ride. You asked great questions, you were funny, you engaged this new friend of your son – I bet your son and his friend think you are the coolest. (Because you are.)

Later that night, you bring up the car ride. You don’t need a pat on the back, but every now and again people could recognize your gift of gab.

“Wasn’t that fun?” you say to your son.

“Your friend was interesting. Wasn’t that conversation great?”

Your sweet son who adores you times a million. This kid loves you to the moon and back shakes his head at your assessment of the car ride conversation and says, “Mom, you embarrassed me.”

Turns out your kid doesn’t want you to be the “cool parent,” he just wants you to be a parent.

Next time you drop this kid off at practice, you don’t say a word. And you let the teens lead the conversation. Which turns out to be way more interesting anyway. I mean, that happened during lunch. Omgosh – good info.

The pressure’s off mommas, our kids don’t want us to be cool. They just want us to be their mom.

The moment you officially become a mom (It’s not what you think.)

You’re not driving a mom van. No way. Even if you have two kids in car seats, you just can’t. The mom van image – it’s not you.

You are more of a…

car #1 girl.

Or a car #2 girl…

You can imagine yourself cruising to your high-powered penthouse office job in a convertible. Your skirt suit and heels look good coming out of that kinda car.

Okay, your office isn’t in a penthouse suite overlooking NYC (Hello, midwest), but you could get that kind of fancy-important-amazing job if you wanted. Totally, could – but not if you’re driving a mom-van.

Now, you realize every other parent has a van. People with vans are nice. People with vans have college degrees.

You even know a lawyer-working-mom who drives a minivan and is successful. (Life is weird.) But still, you have a mental block regarding van-life, so you will not budge. That image is not you. You are sleek and cool and do not ever wear spit-up as perfume. You know you might have weird-mini-van issues, but everyone has their quirks, so people just need to love you as you are.

But, there is a practical side to you, so you spend the parenting babies years, not in fancy cars, but in a solid Ford Fusion. It’s tight, but your two-car seats fit. The diaper bags, strollers, groceries, and two kids all work in your family-friendly sedan.

Time passes and you’ve gotten through the baby, toddler, preschool, early elementary years in your beloved Ford. Okay, maybe not beloved. Beloved would be car #1 (dreams!), but you are a positive person and know to appreciate your non-van car.

Now your kids are tweens.

Everywhere you go, they want to bring friends. Like, multiple friends. But you don’t hate this idea because you learn so much from the car-ride chatter.

Your kids now also have hockey bags, lacrosse sticks, and dance uniforms. (How does all the dance gear dominate?)

You want to join the carpools. You need to fit at least seven and if possible eight total living, breathing humans in your car.

Your check engine light has gone on one too many times, so it’s time for a new car.

Your identity is still strong – you shop car #1 and car #2. (Still dreaming!) You consider the new version of your Fusion.

You hem and haw. You think a lot. You google how many other attorney-moms drive vans. (Again – not you, but it could be.)

The decision point arrives and you complete your vehicle purchase. You exit the dealership driving……a van.

Congratulations, you’ve officially become a parent.

PS – if you never get a van, then the day you shop July Amazon prime days for your Broomba, which you purchase, throw in a closet, and give yourself for Christmas. That works for your official parenting inauguration day too.

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Your turn: tell your stories full of parenting humor

My life is surrounded by tweens and teens. I’m raising three, my friends are collectively raising a billion and I teach high school. From my life (and antics my fellow moms and high school students share with me), these are my stories. (As always – because I love my people, I’m careful with what and how I share their stories.)

What are the funny things your tweens/teens have done? Leave your stories in the comments.

Momma who just got her first van – congrats, you officially are a parent now. Read on for more #parentinghumor and #funnymomstories Click To Tweet

Join our community of moms raising tweens and teens

Your brain bounces between your day at work, what time(s) your kids need to be at practice, your teen’s missing school assignments, that you haven’t called your mom lately, the load of the laundry to be switched, “What’s for dinner?” and “Why are 3 of my brain-tabs frozen?”

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

My husband, three sons, and I stood army-stance, hands-on-hips, staring at our van.

All of the doors were flung open and the insides of the car split out onto the ground. Three sets of ice skates, fishing rods, a tackle box, reusable grocery bags, four soccer chairs, a basketball, crumbled middle school papers, and squished cups.

Let me back up.

A few minutes ago, we’d been backing out of our driveway.

One happy family and a dog ready to spend an epic day fishing at a new lake. Our youngest son called from the back, “There’s a tick on my window.” In my kids-must-learn-to-be-independent-current-parenting-quest I answered, “You’re smart. Figure out what to do.” I’m not really sure what exactly his next steps were, but a living, breathing, blood-sucking tick went flying across our car towards our dog then, apparated Harry-Potter-style somewhere in the car.

Hit breaks. Return to our driveway. Unload car. We vacuumed it out like a 1980’s Ghostbusters movie reenactment.

However, let me rewind some more.

Earlier that morning, a different son sat in a living room chair.

“Mom, I found a tick on my leg!” he called out to me. “Okay, what’d you do with it?” He shrugged, “Threw it across the room.”

Hit breaks. Grab vacuum. And with crazy-mom eyes, suck all possible tick life out of every corner.

Virus pandemic. Murder hornets coming our way. A house and car full of ticks. The first week of May, in the year 2020. Yup, that seems about right.

Back to the car…

We finally felt certain the tick was gone, so piled back in and drove to our fishing spot. Breeze shifted by, the sun glistened against the water, and our Goldendoodle fell in the lake. She came back to dry ground with mud up to her chest and an air of pure joy. Of course, this would happen. We’d just cleaned our car – polishing and shining align the stars for events such as these.

The fish must’ve sensed our lack-of-luck and refused to bite. The deeply intertwined mud in our puppy-girl’s hair taunted us as it dried and threatened to become permanent. It just wasn’t fun. So, we cut our fishing trip short, maneuvered our messy dog into our pristine car and highway-ed home. We led our Goldendoodle around the back of the house, straight to the basement shower where we scrubbed and combed and repeated forever.

Our Saturday was meant to be full of family fun.

We were supposed to spend leisurely time at the lake, then take a walk, and finish our afternoon lingering over a meal. Chores were to be ignored – we’d planned accordingly. Instead, we cleaned the living room, detailed the car, and bathed our dog – for hours.

Yet, later that night, as we munched popcorn in front of a movie, one kid declared with enthusiasm that cut through my exhaustion, “Today was fun.”

Today. Was. Fun.

Ticks. More ticks. And a muddy dog. No sandy beach. No roller coasters. No expensive gifts. No perfect moments.

Just our ordinary life and that was good enough. Even deemed fun.

Do you know what our kids really want from us?

They just want us. Our time. Our attention. Our imperfect selves making them help us with cleaning the house, car, and dog.

Plain. Normal. Boring, even.

One of our tweens and teens’ deepest longings is simply this: to be part of a family. Even one with ticks.

And I’m grateful for my imperfect day – just to be reminded of that.

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You are raising tweens and teens – the unique parenting phase where everything gets easier…and harder.

We’re finally believing all those “they grow so fast” comments. This is your last hurray with kids in your home and you want to love every minute.

You’re taking a second look at your career, your hobbies, how to share your gifts and talents.

Parenting grows your faith and then makes you wonder where your faith is.

You long for friendships and deep relationships, but you’re just so busy.

You’d love a quick place to connect and feel encouraged.

Join the hundreds of other women who’ve signed up for Empowered Moms and Kid’s inspirational monthly emails. You’ll look forward to opening them. (Plus, it’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.)

Read the complete “funny mom story” series

Laugh through motherhood with me by reading the complete “funny mom story” series:

Cheryl Donely

humor

Parenting Humor: When You Just Gotta Laugh