Walk Away from Worry with the Magic 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

I seem to like to learn the hard way with worry.

Over and over, when something shakes our family, my knee-jerk reaction is to start with the worst-case scenario thinking and then work my way backward to what’s probably going to happen that’s way more logical.

For example, when I pull the covers over my feverish kid, I think…

“But what if he doesn’t heal?” (Stop worrying, he’ll be fine…)
What if his fever lasts forever? (I can worry a little, I mean it’s normal…)
Why does he have bruises on his leg? Did he have them before the illness? (I should keep pondering this so I’m prepared for all possible scenarios.)
What if the bruises combined with the illness means he has leukemia?” (Let me google it.)
Oh my gosh, he has leukemia.
I’m. Positive.


Then my stomach twists, my brain fogs, and as he’s shaking with a fever, worry’s hijacked my body and shut out hope. For days. (For both small and big issues.)

Can you relate? Do your “what if” thoughts lead to:

Step 1: “But what if…”
Step 2: Start listing out possible bad things that can happen.
Step 3: Add more. (Just for fun.)
Step 4: Lose all rational thought.
(Nailed wallowing in worry’s pain and losing all hope.)

Then you move through the situation, see that what happens is okay (or at least manageable enough), and promise you won’t overreact “next time.” Yet, that thought leaves you immediately, and “next time” you’re right back at worst-case scenario thinking.

That kind of routine is exhausting. 

I don’t know what made me say enough. It wasn’t moving, my mom’s cancer, miscarriages, or job loss; instead, it was an insignificant moment like someone didn’t text me back over nothing. My brain simply felt tired of the hamster wheel of worry. Worry dominated my mind and robbed me of happiness and hope.

I needed a tool to help combat worry. In my search, I stumbled across the 5:1 ratio. Let me back up.

My child’s doctor and I were discussing parenting. I’d described a difficult stretch and she firmly stated, “Your positive interactions with your child must outweigh your negative ones.” But that thought wasn’t concrete enough for me. Happy You Happy Family has a wonderful article on the How to Connect With Your Child: the Magic 5:1 Ratio with kids. It’s based on Dr. Gottman’s relationship research that found healthy marriages have five positive exchanges for every one negative exchange.

Sweet numbers. I can wrap my head around that.

If the magic 5:1 ratio can improve our relationships with our spouse and children, it can also improve our relationship with ourselves.

Science shows that for one negative thought – we need five life-giving thoughts; proof that God created us to walk closer to hope than toxic words. You guys, we can outsmart worry.

1. God is for us. Always.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

2. We can’t fully comprehend God – and that’s a good thing. While we’re walking among the trees, God’s above looking at the whole forest.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31, NIV)

3. We don’t have to do anything to make God love us more. (Attention, perfectionists! Ahem – me!) The entirety of the gospel is based on a grace-filled love where God chooses us. We’ve asked Him to walk beside us, so be assured that He does with absolute adoration and love.

“May have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Ephesians 3:18, NIV)

4. God will get us where we need to be. He writes his plans for us in our hearts by giving us talents, interests, and wisdom, but often the path to the goal is not what we envisioned.

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:8-10, NIV)

5. God can coax good out of every hopeless situation. (Notice there aren’t promises of a perfect, easy life – rather a rich, full one.) 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

I made a printable of these verses and placed them in my most visited spots: the mirror, the refrigerator, my purse, my car…

I made a printable of these verses and placed them in my most visited spots: the mirror, the refrigerator, my purse, my car…

Let’s quit telling ourselves that pain from worry is normal. We don’t have to let worry tarnish our precious time here on earth with sweaty palms, rapid heartbreak, and a mind that just won’t let up. We don’t have to allow that pain into our lives.

Even though I seem to learn the hard way when it comes to mom worry, I am still moving forward. And surrounding my negative thoughts with God’s truth helps me move past. 

If you think this will help you too, grab the free printable I made full of God’s hope. Moms, let’s all link arms and help each other conquer unnecessary worry.