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Empowered Moms and Kids

Parenting is Hard: This One Thought Can Help You Better Thrive

(Inside: Parenting is hard, and you are tired. Is parenting is hard as they say it is? Sometimes – but, it’s so worth it.)

I had an “aha” moment about perfectionism in both teaching and mom life. 

Like most teachers, I work with some challenging high school students. These kids carry so much outside baggage; when they tell me their stories, I’m overwhelmed for them.

But I love it – I love the challenge of building teacher-student relationships, helping students to see how amazing they are, and building their confidence as they learn more about themselves through education. Truly, I have the best job ever.

So, when a student resists engaging in all the good things around them or continually self-sabotages, it hits me right in the heart. It can be so frustrating. It’s the same for parenting my three sons.

parenting is hard
Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens HERE.

However, I recently read something so incredibly helpful regarding working with teens when teaching (and parenting) gets hard.

I’m working hard on getting my 60 quarter credits past my master’s degree (I want that raise!), so I’ve been taking courses and reading a ton. The books are brimming with expert advice on education. They outline, from different angles, how to create a more engaging classroom and motivate all students.

It’s all well-researched, good stuff, but do you know what sentence stopped me completely in my tracks and gave me the most encouragement?

“Remember that working with difficult students is frustrating.”
 
-Quote from: Discipline with Dignity: New Challenges, New Solutions (Curwin, Mendler A., Mendler B.)

 

Hold the phone. Do you mean to tell me that all these experts in teaching who have well-researched-data-driven suggestions to make our schools excellent are telling me that working with teens is sometimes just simply going to be hard no matter what?

Whew. 

I bought the book down to my lap, looked up, and physically let out a sigh of relief.

In working with teens whether it’s in my classroom or in parenting  I can do all-the-things “right,” and things will never work out “perfectly.” I need to remember that I’m around human beings with undeveloped frontal lobes (rational thinking) or overdeveloped parts of the brain where all the high emotions are stored. Of course, there will be frustrating moments.

If I go to eat an apple, it’s going to taste an apple. If I’m going to work with teenagers, they’re going to act like teenagers which means there will be highs and lows. 

Frustrations are normal, expected, and even okay.  It doesn’t mean that I need a whole new string of suggestions for better teaching and motivational strategies, I just need to know that frustrations are part of the job and carry on. Thank you very much.

I love that.

Because, when I hear something is supposed to sometimes be frustrating, I approach it differently. 

I bring to the table extra patience and resilience and perseverance.  I expect to use those qualities, so I don’t let the frustrations so intensely rock my world. I can better set my emotions aside, evaluate a situation, and more confidently move towards a solution.

I can shrug off the discouragements I cannot control, then shift my focus to how I am going to react, what I can control, and the attitude I bring to the table.

Frustrations never have to steal away my professionalism, my personal joy, or my ability to love my job. Frustrations do not mean I have lost hope in the student and will quit trying; they just tell me that some days are frustrating and that is an expected part of being a teacher.

I don’t always have to figure out the “why,” I just need to persevere and often, keep doing what I am doing.


Just like life.

parenting is hard

Life is full of frustrations – no one is exempt from its cruelties. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean it is our fault. It also doesn’t mean that we need to read a bunch of self-help books or change what we are doing.

It does not mean we need to beat ourselves up for the things we cannot change. It does not mean that we should drive ourselves crazy by gripping tighter and trying to control what we can’t.

It doesn’t mean that we always have to understand “why is this happening to me” or “why do bad things even happen at all?” 

Frustrations don’t have to steal away our joy. Discouragements do not mean that we aren’t good enough, and they should not rob us of our self-worth.

Sometimes, all we need to do is remind ourselves that frustrations are normal.

We can let that thought ease our mind and help us not let the challenges so fiercely rock our world (or we let them rock our world for a while and then get up, grab a glass of water and figure out the next best step).
 
In remembering that frustrations are absolutely normal and to be expected, we dig deep and find extra patience and resilience and perseverance.  We focus on our reaction to the situation, our attitude, and what we actually can control.
 

We cling to God’s hope knowing this he is always for us working in our lives in the most magnificent of ways. 

And then we simply…

carry on. 

“Parenting is hard!” Read the full thrive in difficult relationships and situations series

Why can’t I get along with this person, I’m good with people. People are my thing. Why has this year been filled with not this difficult relationship, but hard relationships with an “s?”

I had a year when relationships with three people I cared about unraveled. I had just come out of healing from a miscarriage and being cut from a job I loved (student numbers were down and they cut the lowest tenured teacher). And just when I thought I’d put my life back together and found my way, here I was struggling with not situations, but people.

What a season.

It caused me to explore situations and relationships and figure out how to find peace, healing, and forgiveness in tough times. 

THRIVE IN DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS & SITUATIONS SERIES
I’m in a Funk: A Powerful Mindset to Overcome Your Challenge
Parenting is Hard: This One Thought Can Help You Better Thrive
How to Deal with Difficult People
Moms, How to Prepare for a Fight

HEAL YOUR HURT SERIES
I’m So Hurt: What Healing Sometimes Looks Like
When Life Knocks You Down & You’re Tired of Your Struggle
Miscarriage Grief: 5 Reasons Why a Miscarriage is so Emotionally Painful

parenting is hard

Join this community of moms raising tweens and teens

You just dropped one kid off at practice, picked up another, and are trying to decide what to make for dinner. Your days are filled with work, parenting, and waiting for password reset emails.

You are parenting tweens and teens.

It’s an amazing life-phase, but also challenging in unique ways. In it all, you’d love a little encouragement to help you laugh, grow in faith, see parenting hacks, get ideas to connect with your kid, and celebrate the awesome momma you are. 

I got you, friend. Sign up for Empowered Moms and Kids monthly emails and get encouragement in your inbox geared for someone exactly in your life-chapter. It’s totally free and you can unsubscribe at any time. 

Plus, you’ll get instant access to all the great resources in the freebie library. Join our community below. 

parenting tweens and teens
Cheryl Donely

Cheryl is a mom of 3 boys, wife, speaker, high school teacher, and author of Empowered Moms & Kids. She has a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership and is passionate about learning and teaching. On www.empoweredmomsandkids.com you’ll find inspiration and encouragement for moms raising tweens and/or teens. Read more in the “about” section of this page.

Tags: Motherhood, Parenting, thrive in difficulties

16 comments

  • Deb Wolf February 1, 2015 at 7:36 pm Reply

    Great post Cheryl! Frustrations are normal. Amen. It's also true that the length of my frustration and how I handle it is a choice. Always praying for quick recovery and grace. I love your reminder that frustrations don't take away our purpose or God's ability to use us. Yay! Thanks so much for linking this at CMB.

  • sinceibecameamom February 2, 2015 at 11:37 am Reply

    Thanks for leaving your comment and I love that you let my blog link up, so thank you!

  • Maria from Collecting Moments February 2, 2015 at 3:39 pm Reply

    "Frustrations can make us uncomfortable as we often feel pain and loss, but they don’t have to steal away our joy." such a great point. I think you're right. If we approach frustrations and treat them like they're normal, we'd be far better (and more patient) people for it. Thank you for sharing such insightful words!

  • Laurie Collett February 2, 2015 at 11:48 pm Reply

    Praise God that He works all things together for our good, even frustrations! Linked up with you at Hearts for Home.
    God bless,
    Laurie
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/

  • JES February 3, 2015 at 12:05 am Reply

    So very true! I have also heard it said that when we lower our expectations, we have nothing to be frustrated over and we just accept what comes our way with patience. Thanks for sharing these encouraging words on the Art of Home-Making Mondays!

  • jviola79 February 3, 2015 at 1:25 pm Reply

    Wonderful post & reminder! Sometimes we need only remind ourselves that frustrations are normal so that they do not knock us over. Love the Chuck Swindoll quote! Now may we … carry on 🙂 Glad I stopped here from Teaching What Is Good.

  • Gentle Joy February 3, 2015 at 4:01 pm Reply

    Good points… it is so easy to only focus on the frustrations…. and not what God may be trying to do in our life. Thank you. 🙂

  • Terri Presser February 5, 2015 at 10:02 am Reply

    What a great post and it is true, bad stuff happens and all we can do is hang on to God and move forward. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:51 pm Reply

    Thanks for leaving a comment. I enjoyed reading it!

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm Reply

    Thanks for letting me link up!:)

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm Reply

    Loved your thoughts!

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm Reply

    I am glad you stopped by as well!

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:53 pm Reply

    I enjoyed reading your comment! Thank you!

  • sinceibecameamom February 5, 2015 at 12:53 pm Reply

    I love what you said about hanging on to God and moving forward! Thanks for letting me link up!

  • Tia February 6, 2015 at 3:22 am Reply

    "No matter what, Jesus can always create beauty from ashes." Amen! Great post. Thanks for sharing it with us!

  • sinceibecameamom February 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm Reply

    Thank you for your encouraging words!

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