When Parenting is Hard, You Have a Powerful Choice

(Inside: Parenting is hard and that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. When parenting is hard you have a powerful choice…)

Parenting is hard.

And that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.

It’s hard to know when to push and when to pull back. Sometimes our kids need us to say, “go for it” and other times they need us to “let go and let them,” and discernment can be tricky.

It’s hard to juggle all the things. Work, flip laundry, stand in front of the stove, check grades, get everyone to the right gym on time, and on and on. It’s two full-time jobs at once and “tired” is a whole ‘nother level.

It’s hard to know how to set up the best parent-child relationship. Sometimes they need grace, other times they’re counting on our “no” – we’re the only person willing to draw a firm boundary line to get them to a healthier place. Reading the room is a lot.

It’s hard to fit in self-care. We know we need it. But exercise, eating healthy, friend-time, date nights, and sleep sometimes elude us like that leprechaun in March.

It’s hard to know how our messages will settle with our ever-changing teens. We have wisdom to share, but sometimes, from their position in the world, our words land and then come out sideways in their lives.

It’s hard to have the mental energy. Studies say an average adult makes 35,000 decisions a day. That plus worry and mom emotions, and our mental bandwidths are streeeeeetched.

You see, I have to remind myself that mom life is hard, and THAT IS NORMAL.

Because I love being a mom and wish with every bone in my body to get it all “right.”

If I work hard and am engaged, I deeply desire everything to turn out. I crave a tidy formula. But then, I drop my son off at the wrong gym for basketball because I was mom-life-ing to my left and missed the message on my right.

In these moments, I have two choices:

(1) Negative self-talk or
(2) Reality talk.

As the years flip, I’m getting much better at choosing reality talk.

And that looks like acknowledging that realistic motherhood gets it “right” at about 80%(ish) of the time. No one is at 100%. No one. (Read that again.) So, if my son is late to practice, I focus on that I did in fact GET HIM TO PRACTICE amongst all the other responsibilities that day.

Reality talk is perspective and self-kindness. It’s realizing this parenting journey isn’t a stroll, it’s a backpack hike up and down sharp inclines. It’s knowing if you’re moving your family forward, you’re on point.

Talking kindly to myself feels good. It feels like growth.

Because parenting is hard.

But I’d sign up for it again and again. Every angst is a thousand percent worth it. 

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Your brain bounces between your day at work, what time(s) your kids need to be at practice, your teen’s missing school assignments, that you haven’t called your mom lately, the load of the laundry to be switched, “What’s for dinner?” and “Why are 3 of my brain-tabs frozen?” 

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